I just started to realize something while writing on another thread. I didn't want to take over that thread so decided maybe being this is about kids this might be the place to post. Yesterday being with my husband's family, my nieces kids who I really love, were driving me crazy because the mom and dad have no discipline. There was MUCH noise. The place wasn't that big for so many people and besides all the toys and noise from the kids, the dad and little boys were playing on the drums!! The older boy kicked me in the knee, kicked his little brother and nothing was said. The dad is a ****y one and rarely is at holiday functions because he's so much better, smarter etc. than the rest of us. We played the game "Catch Phrase" and because he's so intelligent can poke fun of others. My husband and I are both intimidated around him. My husband even more so. Anyway as we were getting to the end of the game that I normally never want to quit I was so wishing it would be over because I was having such a pain in my neck and shoulders, also my chest...no, not a heart attack because I went thru this a couple mo. ago, ended up in ER and cause..anxiety. I realized I had my own car and left. Others had left too so it wasn't like I was running out the door. I did take a xanax when I got home and just wanted to sleep the night thru.
After writing on that other thread something else came to me and now thinking thru what was causing the anxiety and neck/shoulder pain I'm realizing once again...thoughts, just thoughts as the tapes say. My thought which I even verbalized to my husband was "maybe I don't want grandchildren" and he said right. We both have been wanting grandkids for quite a while but nothing has happened with our daughter/husb for 5 yrs. and now they're separated. My son and wife who married in May I'm sure will have some. I think I was having too many "what if" thoughts so tell me what you guys think. Like, I'm getting too old, "what if I can't handle the noise from my grandkids?" I'm thinking well my kids will discipline their kids better than that. Both my son and daughter-in-law have worked with mentally disturbed or abused kids. But as I think of it wishing we could have had grandkids sooner, maybe I was causing myself more stress by over-re-acting altho I think my son-in-law felt uncomfortable with all the noise. That probably was (not probably) was that I was thinking he's already struggling about kids now he just had it confirmed why he doesn't want any. So, do you think that what ifing and the feeling intimidated by my nieces husb. next to me playing that game caused my pain? I feel fine today.
Thanks for your input.
Barb
Holidays,kids screaming,kicking...
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Guest
Oh, I forgot to add that Christmas will be at our house. My niece said she didn't know if they could make it. I really hope not. Our house is smaller than theirs. If they come and it would be anything like that I truly think I'd run right out the door. Our house is for sale and if we get a condo that's smaller yet. There I am, worrying ahead again.
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Guest
Hey Barb,
I know just how you feel. I like kids but then there are the examples as you've stated, out of control kids with parents who don't give a hoot and allow their little ankle biters to run around like animals.
This is the time to practice your non-aggressive assertiveness. You need to set ground rules in your home. No running, screaming or touching things that they have no business touching. That's it. You can state it very clearly to the parents. Don't be intimidated. This is YOUR home and you have every right to enjoy the holidays. You don't have much control in others' homes besides just leaving, which isn't a bad idea when it gets that crazy. I cannot handle that any more than you. I would definitely take control of the situation, talk to the little munchkins about their behavior and also the parents.
I know just how you feel. I like kids but then there are the examples as you've stated, out of control kids with parents who don't give a hoot and allow their little ankle biters to run around like animals.
This is the time to practice your non-aggressive assertiveness. You need to set ground rules in your home. No running, screaming or touching things that they have no business touching. That's it. You can state it very clearly to the parents. Don't be intimidated. This is YOUR home and you have every right to enjoy the holidays. You don't have much control in others' homes besides just leaving, which isn't a bad idea when it gets that crazy. I cannot handle that any more than you. I would definitely take control of the situation, talk to the little munchkins about their behavior and also the parents.
