How can you connect with your children when you feel so disconnected with the world?
I am bipolar and I have two little children ages 4 and 2. I don't have maternal instincts. I don't know how to care for my children. I can't connect with them. I want them to know that I love them and that I am trying to get better. How do you play with children this age? I just don't know what to do and its causing me so much pain. My son also has PDD-NOS which is on the autism spectrum so just connecting with him at all is very hard. Does anyone have any advice? I thank you from my broken heart.
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Guest
Hi Sara:
You just said it. "I love my children" "my heart breaks for my children". It is in your heart already. You may have some post partum depression. You may need a little help with that. Have you talked to your doctor? If now, I would.
You might need a little medication.
In the meantime, just put your arms around them when you have the itme. Just hold them close.
They will know. They will play with each other.
Most of all be gentle and loving with yourself.
There will be others who will answer you here who know more than I do.
I know there are several mothers with autistic children.
I would say for right now just try and relax and don't expect so much of yourself.
The love is in your heart. Just hug them and hold them when you can. When we are depressed we have trouble 'feeling' a lot. But it is there. Be patient.
MJ
toward yourself.
You just said it. "I love my children" "my heart breaks for my children". It is in your heart already. You may have some post partum depression. You may need a little help with that. Have you talked to your doctor? If now, I would.
You might need a little medication.
In the meantime, just put your arms around them when you have the itme. Just hold them close.
They will know. They will play with each other.
Most of all be gentle and loving with yourself.
There will be others who will answer you here who know more than I do.
I know there are several mothers with autistic children.
I would say for right now just try and relax and don't expect so much of yourself.
The love is in your heart. Just hug them and hold them when you can. When we are depressed we have trouble 'feeling' a lot. But it is there. Be patient.
MJ
toward yourself.
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Guest
Hey, who needs instinct when you've got resources! Right now you're looking for help and that is the number one thing a good mother does! Which aged child has PPD-NOS? Is he in therapy? Therapy can be a fun way of connecting with your son. The activities are usually interesting and, because of the method-type way they are implemented, make it easier for a parent who may be mentally "checked-out" to interact. Is there a support group in your area for moms with kids on the autism spectrum?
From the little experience I've had relating to some kids with autism-like issues, and my own son when he had issues, they seem to really desire order and structure. Guess what! That's great for people with anxiety and depression, too! Even if it's hard, try to start with two hours a day of therapy/play with your kids. Like once at 10 in the morning, then once at 3. Do it for a week and see how you and they respond. Just pick one thing to do at each of those time periods. If your son doesn't seem interested, keep going for the benefit of your other child (keep in mind some of these kids may appear uninterested but are intently watching what's going on!).
Ideas that are fun for them (and good sensory integration exercises) and easy for you might be: play dough (use plastic knives for carving, boys love this, cookie cutters), puzzles (you'd be amazed what autistic children can do in this department), make cookie dough (look up a recipe for "aggression cookies" - it doesn't call for eggs so it's safe for little ones to eat raw), finger painting (can use vanilla pudding with food coloring in case your child eats it), taking walks, building with legos or duplos, bubble time, even just rolling balls while sitting on the floor. If you have access to a swing, it is so therapeutic to get kids with sensory integration issues on it and swing them for as long as they'll let you. Same with the trampoline.
There are a lot of great ideas online if you look for them. Look up "sensory table" and you'll find fun ideas that both your kids will like and be beneficial for your son. You can connect in little ways by even looking them in the eyes while they speak, singing the ABC's while brushing their teeth, or reading them a bedtime story or poem. I know you're having a difficult time, so it may be hard for you to believe that little things count, but trust me, they do! Start small, get some assistance for yourself, and give yourself credit for caring and trying!
From the little experience I've had relating to some kids with autism-like issues, and my own son when he had issues, they seem to really desire order and structure. Guess what! That's great for people with anxiety and depression, too! Even if it's hard, try to start with two hours a day of therapy/play with your kids. Like once at 10 in the morning, then once at 3. Do it for a week and see how you and they respond. Just pick one thing to do at each of those time periods. If your son doesn't seem interested, keep going for the benefit of your other child (keep in mind some of these kids may appear uninterested but are intently watching what's going on!).
Ideas that are fun for them (and good sensory integration exercises) and easy for you might be: play dough (use plastic knives for carving, boys love this, cookie cutters), puzzles (you'd be amazed what autistic children can do in this department), make cookie dough (look up a recipe for "aggression cookies" - it doesn't call for eggs so it's safe for little ones to eat raw), finger painting (can use vanilla pudding with food coloring in case your child eats it), taking walks, building with legos or duplos, bubble time, even just rolling balls while sitting on the floor. If you have access to a swing, it is so therapeutic to get kids with sensory integration issues on it and swing them for as long as they'll let you. Same with the trampoline.
There are a lot of great ideas online if you look for them. Look up "sensory table" and you'll find fun ideas that both your kids will like and be beneficial for your son. You can connect in little ways by even looking them in the eyes while they speak, singing the ABC's while brushing their teeth, or reading them a bedtime story or poem. I know you're having a difficult time, so it may be hard for you to believe that little things count, but trust me, they do! Start small, get some assistance for yourself, and give yourself credit for caring and trying!
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Guest
I would suggest getting involved in some neighborhood play groups and see if your local church or congregation has a MOMs or MOPs group. That way you get involved, meet other moms, get to watch the interaction and learn.
Here are some links:
http://www.momsclub.org/
http://www.mops.org/
There is also meetup - type in your zip code, there are usually a ton of mom playgroups for toddlers and preschoolers.
http://www.meetup.com/
And, rest assured you aren't the only one who is challenged with this. Not everyone is a natural mom, and coming from a small family, I wasn't real child-friendly myself. I now have 2 teenagers and a tween and I feel a lot more "competent" with small kids than I ever did!
Hope that helps!
Here are some links:
http://www.momsclub.org/
http://www.mops.org/
There is also meetup - type in your zip code, there are usually a ton of mom playgroups for toddlers and preschoolers.
http://www.meetup.com/
And, rest assured you aren't the only one who is challenged with this. Not everyone is a natural mom, and coming from a small family, I wasn't real child-friendly myself. I now have 2 teenagers and a tween and I feel a lot more "competent" with small kids than I ever did!
Hope that helps!