My son was killed by a drunk driver; feeling depressed.

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Dee04
Posts: 2
Joined: Tue Dec 27, 2011 5:05 pm

My son was killed by a drunk driver; feeling depressed.

Post by Dee04 » Wed May 02, 2012 1:22 am

Hello,

I am a parent of four wonderful sons. I was also engaged to be married to a wonderful man I was with for 6 1/2 yrs. And two years ago my life was turned upside down!! On Oct. 27th, 2009 my fiance passed away and it was very devastating for me to go through losing him because we had a 3 yr. old son together. (Only 4 mo. later) Then on Feb. 28, 2010 my oldest son was killed in a car accident. They both lived with me, so my house really seemed empty without them. Well approx. 8 mo. ago the police picked up the girl that killed my son for vehicular manslaughter and they also picked up his best friend that was driving the car my son was in.
On Friday April 28, 2012 the girl that killed my son was sentenced to 12 months in jail, but out of those 12 months she only did 38 days in jail. Then she was put on house arrest for the remainder of time until she was sentenced. So basically she was doing her time from the convenience of her own home. And Friday they handcuffed her and she went to jail to do the remaining 2 months she has left, but I got notified by the sheriff's department that she was released from custody on Monday, so yeah basically she did 1 more day in jail. She also got 79 days off for good behavior. So she did a total 38 days in jail plus friday, saturday and sunday 3 more days and the rest of the two months she will be doing community service. And my son's best friend got 3 yrs in prison. So unfair!!!
I did this program in 2004 when I was depressed really bad from spousal abuse and now it seems to be starting all over again.
I just don't understand why so many bad things keep happening in my life that I have no control over. I tried to get justice for my sons death, but the judge favored the girl that was drunk & driving between 90-100 mph that ripped my son's best friend's car in half. My son died instantly due to head trauma. I have a counselor and her son was murdered approx. 2 mo. before mine and she's doing fine with it. But i am so sensitive and i'm finding it to be a lot more difficult to get over it. I am starting my program all over again. I had it put away for 6 yrs. and now I had to bring out my program and re-do it!
I really hope this program helps me the way it did the first time.
I recently got married to a good man. We have been married for 10 months now. Well 2 months ago he quit his job and we are living off of our income tax money. Which we were supposed to use to fix my teeth. My two top front teeth started turning black. And I wanted them fixed so I could go back to work. I work with the public as a receptionist so it's kind of important to not have my teeth black when i smile. Even though smiling is not something i do very often nowadays.
Losing a son is the most unbearable thing to go through. I never thought my children would die before me. One of my sons was also shot in the chest walking home from his girlfriends house. He lost a third of his lung. He's okay now.
I find raising my 5 yr old son something that keeps my mind occupied when I have to do things for him. But after he's all taken care of and I get alone with my thoughts I begin to cry.
I don't know what my new husband thinks about me crying so much and we're pretty much still newlyweds. If anyone one from this forum have any words of advice for me please let me know.
It's just hard dealing with things that come my way. My son that died had a fiance and she was pregnant when he passed away. Well she told me it was time for her to move on cause my son was dead and he's not coming back and took my son's daughter with her and she got married and her and her new husband say they want nothing to do with me and won't allow me to see my son's baby.
She moved out and that was hard for me because I loved her and my sons daughter so much. I felt like he left part of himself behind for me to love and she took her away!
I quit my job and I want to look for work but I have a complex about my teeth. Just sort of stuck in a rut and don't really know what to do.


Dee04
Last edited by Dee04 on Sat May 05, 2012 10:50 pm, edited 1 time in total.

dhoyt84
Posts: 20
Joined: Tue Apr 03, 2012 7:57 pm

Re: My son was killed by a drunk driver; feeling depressed.

Post by dhoyt84 » Wed May 02, 2012 11:00 am

Wow, I'm so sorry to hear about what is happening in your life, you have been through a lot so you have the right to feel depressed. Redoing the program should be helpful and when people respond, this site helps too. As far as losing a child I think that is the worst thing that could happen to anyone. For me I'm very devoted to God and I lean on him for my strength. Some days I wouldn't make it without him. You also already have a counselor, and talking to someone who has lost a child as well, so that is good. I'm very new to this program and I still have rough days where I'm worried about the way I feel way too much. I feel abnormal, but I know I'm not. What I do is journal, and I always count my blessings everyday. I also try to do things for and with other people no matter how hard it may be. Session 3 is my favorite, try listening to that one. We must go on even when life is unbearable, we all know life is not easy. Its up to us to make it livable and to find happiness, I know so much easier said then done. I really wish you the best tho. And if you have survived all of that you are a strong person, so be proud. Give yourself credit.
God Bless you!!!

Dee04
Posts: 2
Joined: Tue Dec 27, 2011 5:05 pm

Re: My son was killed by a drunk driver; feeling depressed.

Post by Dee04 » Wed May 02, 2012 11:03 pm

dhoyt84,

Thank you so much for responding to my post. I really needed to hear what you had to say. I had trouble sleeping last night. When my husband woke up at 4:30 am this morning he seen I was still up crying, so he gave me some Advil PM and I slept for most of the day. He said, I needed to rest not to worry about anything, so I did.
It feels good and refreshing to have gotten so much sleep finally. I logged on and read your reply and it made me feel so much better. Thanks for all your kind words, it really helps! :) I'm glad you think I'm a strong person. I guess God is making us strong through our trials so maybe one day I may be able to help someone else that's going through what I've been through.
I've been wanting to have another baby ever since my son passed away. Not to replace my son but to have a new addition to my new lil family i think would help. My husband only has one son and he's grown and two of my sons are grown, and well we still have my 5 yr old to raise, but he's been wanting another child too. We've been trying for 10 months but with no luck. Maybe it's not the right time for me right now. Only God knows.
Well I just wanted to thank you for taking the time to respond to my post, I really appreciate it!

Dee04

dhoyt84
Posts: 20
Joined: Tue Apr 03, 2012 7:57 pm

Re: My son was killed by a drunk driver; feeling depressed.

Post by dhoyt84 » Fri May 04, 2012 2:36 pm

Yow welcome. I definitly believe things happen for a reason. So maybe God will use you to help someone else in the future.
Have a wonderful day!!

Dixiesmom
Posts: 72
Joined: Fri Aug 19, 2011 10:03 am

Re: My son was killed by a drunk driver; feeling depressed.

Post by Dixiesmom » Sun Jun 10, 2012 8:28 pm

I can't begin to image what you must be going through. My thoughts and prayers are going out for you. I think you should continue with your counselor due to her experience and also see if there is a group near you for parents that have lost children or other loved ones. I was a police officer for over 10 yrs. and I can tell you that from what I saw, there really isn't "justice" - not here on earth. I believe that true justice will come from God. Lean on him for strength and peace. Continue to work the program and know that with what you have been through, it will take time. I agree that maybe God will use you and what you have been through to help someone else or to accomplish something special. Let us know how you are doing.

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