has this happened to anyone else?

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jordanmommy
Posts: 2
Joined: Wed Jan 20, 2010 4:08 pm

Post by jordanmommy » Sun Jan 24, 2010 6:47 am

has anyone else (pregnant or not) not been a great parent? i just lay on the couch during the day and dont want to do anything with my daughter. has that happened t0 anyone else? if so, how long did it last? did you ever bounce back? i just dont have the motivation to do anything with her. not even leaving the house-wise. like in the house too. anyone have any advise at all? this issue is really making the anxiety worse i think and it would put my mind at ease i think if i werent the only one who went through this; am i just a bad, lazy mom???

Guest

Post by Guest » Mon Jan 25, 2010 1:51 am

I have dealt with the same issue myself. I have three energetic boys and have been out of work for over a year and a half. I chalked up my fatigue to the kids stressing me out and my not getting enough sleep. Only in the last week have I realized that my anxiety and depression have been the source of both my impatience with my kids, but the resulting fatigue as well.

You are definitely not alone.

Guest

Post by Guest » Mon Jan 25, 2010 4:14 am

Since people like us are by nature negative-thinker's, over-catastrophize, and over-react I'm going to assume you are being way too hard on yourself. My guess is depression and anxiety is making you less than the person you'd like to be, hyper-focusing on yourself, and thinking the worst. The truth is children since the beginning of time have been raised with far less parental interaction than now. The over-involvment, over-controlling, "helicoptor" type parenting of today is likely as unhealthy, or more so, than underinvolved parenting. My advice is recognize you are depressed and/or anxious, do something about it, and get well. Show your kids that you can face adversity and deal with it and be honest with them (age appropriate of course). Your behavior now probably isn't predisposing them to behavior problems or a similiar fate, but your DNA might. And if it does, you showing them that you can overcome your struggle with depression/anxiety and win will be more precious than you know.

Take heart and read this when you feel guilty as a parent:

http://www.psychologytoday.com...tually-no-effect-chi

Guest

Post by Guest » Tue Jan 26, 2010 5:28 am

I agree, sometimes we are hard on ourselves for no reason.

Why do we think we need to be over-involved in everything. While we are providing comfort, necessities and a relatively stress free home.

We are not drug addicts, I'm assuming we are all not physically abusive. And are our kids perfect? No way.

I'm assuming we don't live near a war zone and don't have oxygen masks hanging from our doors?

We aren't worried that a truck will come by and kidnap our children, training them to be war killers?

I think it's because we are from the "Blame" generation where we blame everything on our parents and upbringing for the way we are. Whether it is true or not, it effects our own parenting and sometimes we make ourselves out to be monsters when we are really so much better off than how we were raised.

I can say that even though I have my issues I believe my kids are a lot better off than I was and many kids today.

So don't be too hard on yourself! I don't think your kids will look back and think you were a horrible parent. I really don't.

Guest

Post by Guest » Thu Jun 24, 2010 11:33 pm

I think this is a wrong assumption. I believe that, the way of living and growing should be change the positions. Always make home away from the stress. Then everything is going perfectly.

Guest

Post by Guest » Tue Jun 29, 2010 3:01 am

Judging by your sn Jordanmommy, you take a lot of pride in being a parent! That is WONDERFUL! Just remember--there is no such thing as the perfect parent. Although I am sure you would love to be more involved and more of this and that....try to think of the things you ARE doing for your daughter. I am sure she is a pretty lucky girl! The fact that you care enough to even worry about the time you are devoting to her is HUGE!

You're a great parent--you just don't give yourself enough credit!

Make yourself happy and the radiance will only transfer to her life :)

Guest

Post by Guest » Sun Jul 04, 2010 11:16 am

Here's to those folks out there that think when you're done with this course that everything is going to come up roses for you. HAH! The other day I was spending time with my mother playing cards when something in my head told me that I needed to pump up her esteem. So I went in to my memories and pulled out some stuff about her life and mine that I thought would do the trick. It dealt with how she had the strength to divorce my alcoholic dad when he chose another woman and her family to raise over us. And then I followed up with how she had to endure her next relationship with an gamblohic and what mental abuse he put her through before he check out with lung cancer. And all the while I thought I was doing her this favor. But the next day I realized that I wasn't doing all this comparing for her benifit. I was getting a big charge to my EGO as I was feeling like I was better than them because I didn't leave her like they did. I was her hero and like a gorilia I was beating my chest to prove what a great guy I was in her life. Can you see how fooled I was into thinking I was doing all this for her when I found out I wasn't. This is one way I can go into something thinking its for them when reality its for us. How many of you all do this and realize the real reason you did it? Some days are more shocking than others.
Thanx

Guest

Post by Guest » Sun Oct 31, 2010 3:31 pm

wow, very interesting, Slimjim, nice insight. I don't think you were doing it all for yourself. As a mother and wife, I wouldn't mind my children commending me on some decisions I made that got me out of a bad situation. Do you still think it was just about you and not trying to make your mother feel good?

Guest

Post by Guest » Sun Oct 31, 2010 3:38 pm

When I first started this post my son wasn't in the room, so after listening to him for about 2 hours I think I'm doing pretty good. But do have my struggles.

I did suffer from depression where I couldn't get out of bed and then later on when my son committed suicide, I again found it hard to get out of bed and do everything else I should do with my family. So now, I'm recovering from compulsions started due to his death and dealing with the aftermath of being not quite there emotionally for my other children.

It is a long story, but we all are human, and life does happen, I do know that I have been there for my children the best I could be and especially for the son that took his life. But that doesn't mean that I don't wonder about things, and play the "what if" game. I probably will always wonder about how things could have been different with all my children til I'm old and gray and die. Since we are an influence on our children all the days of our lives. For good or bad.

TemperAnxietyStress
Posts: 17
Joined: Sat May 07, 2011 10:05 pm

Re: has this happened to anyone else?

Post by TemperAnxietyStress » Mon May 09, 2011 9:52 pm

jordanmommy: When I find I don't want to do anything and my housework gets out of control and I just feel tired....I have discovered it's at the same time as my depression is dipping. There's a good chance you're depressed and that's why you don't have motivation...that's been my case many a time. And the best way to get out of the apathy feelings is to get up, drink a few glasses of water, get creative and do stuff. When you don't feel like you have the energy, you can also (every once in awhile, not often) put on a video she likes and snuggle her on the couch while you watch it together. And don't be so hard on yourself.

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