Not the wicked stepmother...
Posted: Sat Jul 02, 2011 4:29 pm
hi! i am a step mom to two very great kids. i also have two great kids of my own. part of my anxiety involves when they come over and my house is not clean. i am not a neat freak my any definition of the word, but i do feel a great deal of anxiety if people come over and stuff is all over the place in my house. my house has a tendency to end up in disarray or just STAY that way. it is disorganized, chaotic, in disarray. there is also the general discomfort/embarrassment i feel if ANYONE comes over and my house looks like a hurricane hit it. i don't like it when anyone comes over if my house is not together because if others see that you are not treating your own space respectfully, the human tendency is just to do the same. i don't think anyone intends to disrespect my home, but it just ends up being a lot of barking and complaining with the step kids are here. if i am not barking, then i want to and end up stressed out because i am not!
i also have issues with their coming and leaving and how that impacts my own household. there is no visitation schedule which has both its benefits and problems. one problem is that i often feel taken advantage of in terms of the summer or whenever they decide to come. i am a teacher so i am off during the summers. most summers either the kids are with us or they visit their family out of state. i never really know when they are coming or when they are leaving. i have grown in some ways because i just make plans for my own kids and if the stepkids happen to be here, but cannot be involved in whatever i have planned for my own kids, i have resolved to let that go. there are a lot of things that they get to do that my kids don't get a chance to do also. but it bothers me because the kids should not have to be in the middle like that and i know that at some times there must be some hurt feelings involved somewhere along the way. there is just no way to plan if i have no idea when they are coming OR how long they will be here...
i realize that much of this is my own bending of my own boundaries. my husband works alot so the kids are all usually left in my care. he just makes me feel like i am being wicked if i say "i've had enough... i am ready for them to go home now" or "no, i am not really in the mood to deal with ALL the kids right now". they are not very helpful with my battle to organize my home (nor should they be-- they did not make the mess), and it is often quite a battle to get them to pick up after themselves which ends up making more work for me. my husband and his ex-wife really need to get it together in terms of communication. they don't really tell each other anything so there are never any plans. most importantly, i have got to step things up for myself. the only person that anyone can blame for being a doormat is themselves. just gotta figure out how to do it. any ideas?
i also have issues with their coming and leaving and how that impacts my own household. there is no visitation schedule which has both its benefits and problems. one problem is that i often feel taken advantage of in terms of the summer or whenever they decide to come. i am a teacher so i am off during the summers. most summers either the kids are with us or they visit their family out of state. i never really know when they are coming or when they are leaving. i have grown in some ways because i just make plans for my own kids and if the stepkids happen to be here, but cannot be involved in whatever i have planned for my own kids, i have resolved to let that go. there are a lot of things that they get to do that my kids don't get a chance to do also. but it bothers me because the kids should not have to be in the middle like that and i know that at some times there must be some hurt feelings involved somewhere along the way. there is just no way to plan if i have no idea when they are coming OR how long they will be here...
i realize that much of this is my own bending of my own boundaries. my husband works alot so the kids are all usually left in my care. he just makes me feel like i am being wicked if i say "i've had enough... i am ready for them to go home now" or "no, i am not really in the mood to deal with ALL the kids right now". they are not very helpful with my battle to organize my home (nor should they be-- they did not make the mess), and it is often quite a battle to get them to pick up after themselves which ends up making more work for me. my husband and his ex-wife really need to get it together in terms of communication. they don't really tell each other anything so there are never any plans. most importantly, i have got to step things up for myself. the only person that anyone can blame for being a doormat is themselves. just gotta figure out how to do it. any ideas?