Stress Center Peer Support

I am having a tough time controling my temper with my kids and family. I have been wrestling with depression and anxiety for all my life and now that I am married with kids, I am finding a whole new element in dealing with this. I have also gotten rid of my addictions (crutches)so here I am, an anxious guy with a short fuse. I don't even see it coming. Does anyone know of a way to at least see it coming? And when that fuse is lit, to be able to stifle it? Thanks for any input. God bless you all.

Hi,
I am new to the Program but think I might me in a similar situation as you. I am married and have adult stepkids in the house who do not like me being around. To deal with my frustration and lack of control I frequently feel over what goes on around me I have found some of Lucinda's tips helpful this week. I remind myself: I am in control of my thoughts. Do not take that action/comment personally. I am breathing with awareness and slow it down when I get racing thoughts. I have taken short walks, but not angrily,just for me to smell the leaves outside and listen to the crunch, to appreciate those simple things. When I get back I fill up my journal page with positives only. Hope this helps you. Bet the leaves are beautiful in Massachusetts!

I have a 2 year old daughter and I always feel i should be doing more for her.Which causes my anxiety and frustration.Then I realize that this is my first kid and I just want the best for her.I worry about the future a lot and now I realize that I create my own fear and nothing can hurt me unless I allow it to. If you let it this program can help.

Hi, Bryson and Flower: I am in your camp. I read a book about raising teenagres, and it said that teens unload their emotions on their families because it's the safest place to do that. When I get anxious and irritable, I sure do that, and it mortifies me. In my more sane moments, I can see that it feels as bad to the rest of the family when I unload on them as when the teen unloads on me, even if it's because he feels "safe." That's small (NO) comfort.

I end up driving my family members away just when I need to feel close to them. I display out-of-control behavior and poor coping skills just when my kids are needing to learn to control their own behavior and to master good coping skills.

I don't have any really wise words. Just wanted to pipe up and encourage. I'm going to keep trying.

I struggle daily with this problem! I am a single mother of a 5yr old (who i swear is preteen with her mood swings)and is A.D.D. and a very "spirited" 2 yr old... and since i still hold resentment about all the whoopings i received as child i rarely ever spank my kids... which makes raising them to behave even more challenging... add in all the tension in my life from anxiety and it is a constant struggle to keep myself from screaming at them or saying mean things to them! I have read tons of material on parenting without all the screaming and spanking and it all sounds sooooo simple but it's quite a struggle to actually make the alternative methods work when ya just wanna yell at em and banish them to their rooms for the day! In an effort to tame the screaming monster i have found 3 things that really help: 1. i have little signs taped all over the house that say things like "one mean name can wipe out a 100 hugs" "it's natural to push boundries, that's how they learn" and my favorite "silently put in time out and leave the room too cool down"! (not all of these apply to teens, but i'm sure you could come up with a few) and 2. when i feel the anger monster inside me really coming out i put them in their rooms and call a friend... and i talk about the things that are driving me insane... i always end up feeling much calmer by the time i hang up! lastly 3. when i do act in a way that appalls me, as soon as i am calm i go to my kids and appologize for the way i reacted and talk about what i did wrong as well as the offense that triggered it... i think teaching kids that we are all human and make mistakes is the only positve thing that can come from our short-comings!
Good Luck with the Anger Monkey!!!

Thank you all for being so open and honest! I am especially grateful for your tips, tbabystroup. I will try to remind myself of those things that will remind me not to lose my temper. I too find my patience short with both my beautiful toddler and my husband. I fly off the handle at the smallest thing. It is mortifying and then I try to hide behind my pride because admitting it is too painful. I am working hard to conquer this and even went to a counselor but I'm hoping this program will help because I'm getting to be at my wit's end. I am so afraid one day I'll lose it and hurt my baby girl. That's one of my biggest fears and usually the reason I scream instead of hit...but I do find that if I'm especially frustrated the best thing I can do is leave the room, close my door and cry it out until I feel calm again. Sometimes tears, as exhausting as they are can also be the best way to get down from a huge bout of anger and anxiety. Thank you all for showing me I'm not alone.