Hello, its been a long time since someone posted on this topic. Thank you!
Going from every other weekend to week on week off is a big transition for you. I tottaly understand how you feel, and understand your fear of having too much alone time without the kids. Also i understand what you mean when you say the kids are the center of you universe.
My kids who are 10 and 15 years old have been the center of my universe for a long time, especially after i divorced 7 years ago. The time i spend with them seems like a flash sometimes. They are here and then gone. When they leave I feel empty inside, especially because I live alone.
I have my kids for two days then two days off then the weekend. The following week I only see them for two days and 5 days off total and so on.
To help with the emptiness i feel when they are gone ive kept my self busy and try to enjoy some me time to relax, recharge and then when they come back i apprietiate them so much and have such quality time with them. i also am very active in their lives when they are not with me. For example, theyt play sports and boyscouts so i go to all their functions and get to see them on my off days sometimes, even if its for a few hours. Its such a blessing.
The time im away from them completly though, i go to the gym and take care of my physical body, and go to church and bible studies to excersise my mental self as well. So I have a battle plan to help with my lonliness. Im also in a relationship and get to spend time with my girlfrieind when my kids are ahway. I also see a therapist who helps
So basically keeping active and enjoying some relaxation helps.
Im glad your getting involved in somethings and urge you to continue that.
As far as drinking, well if your depressed, drinking needs to stop because that wont help, it just makes things worse. Maybe a little drinking while socializing if you can handle that with out over doing it, but when alone at home, probably not good.
I quit drinking altogether for alot of reasons, one being that i fell into a deep depression and was diagnosed with hypomanic bipolar. So no more alchohal for me. I do just fine with out it.
If the father of you children is involved their life and wants to take on more responsibility sharing equal time, thats a good thing even though it takes some getting used too. I sometimes wish that i had my kids all the time but am very greatfull that they have a mother who loves them equally and she deserves to have them as much as i do. Its the best we can give them when in a situatuion like this.
You also mentioned that you need to re connect with your kid. This would be the greatest opportunity to do so.
Now that he's gone half the time you can work on you, work on you depression and stay commited to this program and any other positive setting that helps you. Your condition is part the reason you disengaged from him. Depression can do that to people. When comes he home you can be recharged and ready to go, you can apprietiate him more since he's not their all the time and spend good quality time with him. Look for all the positives that can come out of this.
Remember it takes time to change and heal so be patient with your self. If I can do it(someone who suffers with depression myself among other things, you can do it!
I hope this helps. Keep in touch to let me know how your doing when all this happens