Passing it on to your kids
-
bevhembree
- Posts: 275
- Joined: Fri Dec 14, 2007 10:44 am
I've worried that my kids will inherit this dreaded disorder, but I thought my son has the greatest tendency toward it getting his dad's and my problems. My daughter (19) called from college today crying. She wanted to go to the doctor. She's been crying for several weeks and tends to shy away from others so they won't see. She doesn't want to burden others with her problems. I think she's under a lot of pressure to get her grades up so she can stay there and may not be able to make it, so she's stressing as it's getting to be the end of the semester. There was a breakup with her first boyfriend too, and things haven't worked out with her sorority. She's homesick and her good friend tells her just to get over it. My heart is broken. I don't want her to start on meds. I'd rather her try counseling. We all went through these things as kids and made it, right? But what if there is an imbalance there and it's ignored? Anybody been through it with their children? Thanks for letting me talk.
"Here and happy because of my three little angels- Marie, Chad and Cady."
-
Guest
Hello, I have a boy who is almost 7 and although I have not taken him to the doctor. I have seen some of the things that I feel in him. When I feel anxious I am never around my childern. I always will go into the bedroom or bathroom to hide if it gets really bad, otherwise, I just try to do something with my kids like, read a story to them or color. When I can tell my little boy feels anxious I just talk to him about what is bothering him, did he have a bad day at school, does he have a test tomorrow that he is worried about, just questions to try to get to the bootom of it. Once he tells me about his day, then I tell him that that is probably why he has an upset stomach or whatever it may be at that time. Then I tell him ya know it is ok to feel that way, but everything will turn out fine, he shouldn't make it such a big deal. So yeah, I know what you are going through when your childern go through it as well
-
Guest
Bev,
I dont believe that anxiety or depression from it can be passed down to your kids. I do however believe that kids learn from thier parents and their behaivors. Anxiety is not a chemical imbalance and it is not a disorder it is a condition of being overwhelmed and not properly responding to the stress in everyday life.
If you are crying and shying away from other and not wanting to burden others its natural for your daughter to have the same responses because she has watched you. From birth we teach our children everything. They learn to eat, sleep, read, write, everything from us and most of it from example.
The school session is almost over.....remind her of that and tell her soon you can come home and take a nice break and recenter yourself. When shes home watch your attitude. Set the tone of the house. WORK YOUR PROGRAM! If I show fear my kids feel fear. If I show happiness my kids are happy. How about getting the program for her to do......or telling her about the online chat. There are several young ladies in the same situation she is in and there is great comfort in chatting with people that understand.
REMEBER KIDS LEARN FROM OUR EXAMPLE. So if you want a happy healthy children we must as responsible parents set that tone. Anxiety is a bad habit a poor way of handling stress in our lives....nothing more. Changet that and you will have a completely different outcome.
If you say I dont know your kidding yourself I have lived with Anxiety for the better part of 25 years. I have grown up to watch my own parents deal with life and learned alot of my old ways from them....Everyonce in awhile I can still here those "wrong" attitudes in my head.
But I made a change. I decided to help myself and I work my program EVERY SINGLE DAY of my life. I choose to be happy. I choose to make my house a happy well adjusted one. I am gratefull for all I have and for all Ive been through. Life is a gift. We all start with a blank slate its up to us what we do with that.
Dodger
I dont believe that anxiety or depression from it can be passed down to your kids. I do however believe that kids learn from thier parents and their behaivors. Anxiety is not a chemical imbalance and it is not a disorder it is a condition of being overwhelmed and not properly responding to the stress in everyday life.
If you are crying and shying away from other and not wanting to burden others its natural for your daughter to have the same responses because she has watched you. From birth we teach our children everything. They learn to eat, sleep, read, write, everything from us and most of it from example.
The school session is almost over.....remind her of that and tell her soon you can come home and take a nice break and recenter yourself. When shes home watch your attitude. Set the tone of the house. WORK YOUR PROGRAM! If I show fear my kids feel fear. If I show happiness my kids are happy. How about getting the program for her to do......or telling her about the online chat. There are several young ladies in the same situation she is in and there is great comfort in chatting with people that understand.
REMEBER KIDS LEARN FROM OUR EXAMPLE. So if you want a happy healthy children we must as responsible parents set that tone. Anxiety is a bad habit a poor way of handling stress in our lives....nothing more. Changet that and you will have a completely different outcome.
If you say I dont know your kidding yourself I have lived with Anxiety for the better part of 25 years. I have grown up to watch my own parents deal with life and learned alot of my old ways from them....Everyonce in awhile I can still here those "wrong" attitudes in my head.
But I made a change. I decided to help myself and I work my program EVERY SINGLE DAY of my life. I choose to be happy. I choose to make my house a happy well adjusted one. I am gratefull for all I have and for all Ive been through. Life is a gift. We all start with a blank slate its up to us what we do with that.
Dodger
-
Guest
It's a funny thing. My daughter hasn't been with me in over a year. My anxiety problems popped up in the last year. In my extended family, the norm is to suck it up and put up a good front, so the only ones dealing with the anxiety are my husband and me. My youngest is just a year and a half.
There's a lot of history and background with my daughter and my parents. It's all complicated. She basically ran from me to my ex to my parents back to me and is now with my parents. She was in danger of not graduating high school and I tightened the screws on her.
My folks sent her to a major university with a one semester chance. She failed 3 of 4 classes; being not mature enough to be there was to account for some of that. They gave her one more chance, and my bet is that I can confirm in a few weeks that she hasn't made the grade again. They have said she will come home if not. So the anxiety is "created" so to speak by several things. I'm sure there is a certain amount of depression involved as she won't be around her friends anymore and that's what is most important to her.
I don't know about anxiety being inherited but I know a certain personality type is prone to it. One of the early tapes talks about the personality traits anxious people tend to have. My daughter is quite different from me, my son is not.
Some say depression can be genetic. Do I know for sure? No. I know the counselor and doctor she saw today asked if there was a family history of such. Is it learned behavior? I believe how we deal with it can be. How much is that, and how much is a true chemical imbalance? very good question. A lot to ponder. Too bad they can't just do a culture and see what's going on up there.
I take all you say to heart and will do all I can to help her through this time. My hope is that the doctor will not medicate her at this point. I truly believe with all the history that this is situational anxiety. The important thing is that she is reaching out for help, and you are right in that I have several ways to be there for her. The online community is one we mentioned today. Very good idea.
P.S. I would never say you are kidding yourself. I have tremendous respect for you and all who are working to beat this thing. And my thanks to you and all who listen and offer input. It helps greatly through my down and trying times. Sometimes these forums are the only place I feel I can really unload when I am alone. Take care and keep up the great attitude!
There's a lot of history and background with my daughter and my parents. It's all complicated. She basically ran from me to my ex to my parents back to me and is now with my parents. She was in danger of not graduating high school and I tightened the screws on her.
My folks sent her to a major university with a one semester chance. She failed 3 of 4 classes; being not mature enough to be there was to account for some of that. They gave her one more chance, and my bet is that I can confirm in a few weeks that she hasn't made the grade again. They have said she will come home if not. So the anxiety is "created" so to speak by several things. I'm sure there is a certain amount of depression involved as she won't be around her friends anymore and that's what is most important to her.
I don't know about anxiety being inherited but I know a certain personality type is prone to it. One of the early tapes talks about the personality traits anxious people tend to have. My daughter is quite different from me, my son is not.
Some say depression can be genetic. Do I know for sure? No. I know the counselor and doctor she saw today asked if there was a family history of such. Is it learned behavior? I believe how we deal with it can be. How much is that, and how much is a true chemical imbalance? very good question. A lot to ponder. Too bad they can't just do a culture and see what's going on up there.
I take all you say to heart and will do all I can to help her through this time. My hope is that the doctor will not medicate her at this point. I truly believe with all the history that this is situational anxiety. The important thing is that she is reaching out for help, and you are right in that I have several ways to be there for her. The online community is one we mentioned today. Very good idea.
P.S. I would never say you are kidding yourself. I have tremendous respect for you and all who are working to beat this thing. And my thanks to you and all who listen and offer input. It helps greatly through my down and trying times. Sometimes these forums are the only place I feel I can really unload when I am alone. Take care and keep up the great attitude!