not sure i can handle another child with this anxiety and terrible obsessive thoughts

Dodger · Post by **Dodger** » Tue Jan 15, 2008 5:49 am

Wow....very dissappointed in how this original post went off to this tangent. What a shame when a person comes here for encouragement and inspiration to get caught in the middle of a fued. I think we could all use a review of the anger lesson.

My dissappointment in the words spoken by Maliky is not just in the opinion stated but how it was stated. First to type in full caps implies that you are screaming your opinion. Second this is a help chat line. Not a one of us comes here to hear the negative. We fill ourselves with that everyday that is why we are here. We have lived lives full of anxiety and fear and avoidance and have come to this program to find peace and contentment and direction not to be scared or yelled at more.

If I came here and said I was afraid to go out of the house and someone yelled at me and said: STAY IN YOUR HOUSE...ITS HORRIBLY SCARY OUT THERE HAVE LIVED MY WHOLE LIFE IN FEAR AND IT WILL NEVER GET BETTER!!!!!!!!!!!

Not very comforting. Not very positive. Not very encouraging. That is my concern with the first reply. Your approach is very negative and loud. I am not here to judge you or your lifestyles but I am here to offer positive advice to freinds who need as well as recieve. Lucinda tells us in the program to be positive, to push through anxiety and fear and do it despite, to be kind and assertive, to be healthy mind and body, to praise ourselves, etc etc etc...

Each and everyone of us here on forum suffer with anxiety or depression either past or present this program is to help not scare. Please lets all be cautious to the tone of our text as well as content and ask yourself is this really helping the person in need or am I venting my own frustrations.

Good luck to you Catdr on your journey you will do what is right for you and the rest of us, if we arent helping what are we doing here?

Dodger

BTTRFLY · Post by **BTTRFLY** » Tue Jan 15, 2008 5:57 am

Did it occur to anyone that Malikye has trouble seeing the screen and this is why she types in capital letters? Or maybe she is not a computer wiz and did not realize the caps was on? Just a thought, I wouldn't be assuming someone is "yelling" by the way that they type. And furthermore, I'd rather have someone post in all caps than post that they want to "smack" someone...that to me is a much more aggressive tone.

Malikye's response began with the words "I don't THINK". (I'm providing emphasis, not yelling) That indicates an opinion, not a fact, as opposed to something like "The advice given to you from the person above me is truly horrible", which implies that the opinion being stated is fact.

I'm merely pointing out that everyone who is now preaching tolerance and respect for one another said something really nasty at the beginning of this thread, and your comments did not help Catdr anymore than anyone else's did.

Mimigirl · Post by **Mimigirl** » Tue Jan 15, 2008 6:07 am

Wow I have hesitated to post in this forum again and I hope I don't regret my decision but we are hear to encourage each other and if you read through I don't believe that we are encouraging this woman who came on for help. Negativity is so hurtful to people like us who are trying to change our thought pattern and I have to agree with Dodger in this that we are suppose to be learning that anxiety is something we can control or learn to control in my case I am not quite there yet but working hard lol. Lets try to remember please that we are here to encourage each other with positive feed back and to tell each other what we are being taught that we are in control and anxiety shouldn't stop us from living our dreams and our lives. If your dream is to have another baby I will say it again go for it you will do awesome you are an awesome mom already and don't let anxiety make your choice that is all. I hope we can all agree on that at least.
I am going to post this now nervous of course of what will come of my response how sad is that.
God bless you on this journey
Mimi

Craw · Post by **Craw** » Tue Jan 15, 2008 6:35 am

Our opinions are often formed based on life experiences. Different experience = different opinion.

Sorry Mailkye but the general consensus here seems to be that NO you are not entitled to your opinion here. Regardless of your life experiences, you may state only the opinion deemed proper and you're not allowed to speak otherwise. :p There are no apologies for you, only the run-around excuses as to why people had every right to say mean things to you.

Bttrfly, good point with the "I don't THINK" angle. I'd seen that myself. I don't THINK they'll get it.

Btw, my mom had 7 kids and anxiety disorder. And we were a handful! We all had a happy childhood. My experience was different from any of yours so my opinion will be as well. Oops, sorry, forgot. Not allowed to have that.

Malikye · Post by **Malikye** » Tue Jan 15, 2008 8:23 am

Dodger,you want to slap me?Well hear this. I won't turn the other cheek. if you really want to do that pm me,and we will talk about it

.
I AM NOT YELLING. I DO NOT TYPE WELL,BUT YOU REALLY DON'T CARE THAT I THPE IN CAPS. I THINK YOU WANTED TO BRING IT TO OTHERS ATTENTION.DO YOU WANT THEM TO THINK I AM YELLING? YOU DON'T READ WELL DODGER YOU DON'T COMPREHEND WHAT YOU READ........................MALIKYE

spunkylaydee · Post by **spunkylaydee** » Tue Jan 15, 2008 8:38 am

I don't really feel this is the issue at hand here... but abhor is not agressive, it means to view someone adversely.

She explained herself more comprehensively, and I could then see her point of view clearer. Whilst maintaining that the young lady who began the post would probably be a good mother. I did not change opinion to appear 'popular' and was being diplomatic and having a conversation with someone.

Telling someone you are going to smack them is aggressive.

spunkylaydee · Post by **spunkylaydee** » Tue Jan 15, 2008 8:40 am

PS- Can we all start being a bit nicer to each other, this forum is about helping people!

BTTRFLY · Post by **BTTRFLY** » Tue Jan 15, 2008 9:25 am

I'm sorry, Catdr, as the thread you started has turned into a mess through no fault of your own. It no longer has anything to do with your initial concerns, and I am sorry that it took this turn. I hope you are not still reading any of this foolishness.

While it is a pointless argument, I just can not let this go unanswered:

abhor: to regard with extreme repugnance:loathe
synonyms: see hate

I'd argue that expressing hate, loathing, and repugnance for someone you do not know is aggressive to say the least! It is a far cry from "viewing someone adversely".

I abhor child abusers, murderers, genocide, to name a few. I'd never use the term "abhor" about anyone on this site because I dislike their point of view. It is about taking responsibility for what you say on here. I have said some stupid, stupid things on here, (I am FAR from perfect), and I can admit and cop to it when I am wrong. I just feel like some of the comments made on this thread warrant an apology for attacking someone verbally over their opinions.

Unfortunately as Craw said, this is what we do on here sometimes...sigh...

spunkylaydee · Post by **spunkylaydee** » Tue Jan 15, 2008 9:44 am

I am very sorry, I clearly used the wrong word. I did not mean to use such a horrible word. I am sincerely sorry.

I ONLY ever wanted to encourage the young lady who was wondering whether they wanted another child or not.

I am sorry for using a word, I did not know it's true meaning. I think everyone has a valuable opinion, and no-one should have been aggressive in any way shape or form. I wish you luck in your recovery

Malikye · Post by **Malikye** » Tue Jan 15, 2008 9:48 am

HI SPUNKY,THERE IS ONLY ONE WAY WE CAN BE NICE TO EACH OTHER ON THIS THING.EVERYONE HAS TO THINK ALIKE.I CAN'T CONFORM TO THAT. MY OPINION'S,ALONG WITH A FEW OTHERS' ARE DARE TO DIFFER. CAN YOU SEE THAT WANTING TO SLAP SOMEONE IS NEGATIVE? IT DID NOT TOUCH ME. BUT, HAD I SAID IT,ALL THESE NICE POSITIVE THINKERS WOULD HAVE ME KICKED OFF THE SITE.I DON'T SAY ANYTHING ON HERE THAT I WOULDN'T SAY IN PERSON.I DON'T THINK DODGER WOULD HAVE SAID THAT FACE TO FACE. WE DO NEED TO BE MORE REALISTIC HERE. THE REAL WORLD IS NOT ALL THAT NICEY-NICE. GOOD LUCK SPUNKY

........MALIKYE