My son is very good kid, he's very outgoing and very popular at school(gets along with all types of kids). The problem is that he is deathly afraid of his teachers and principal at school.He was almost sent away on a 5 day camp out of state after I contacted them many times and said that he would not be attending. Ofcourse they blamed this on my son who said he was going. He did not however, but that was their excuse. He also fell in gym class and sprained his arm and they refused to send him to the nurse. One teacher even threw a coffee cup across the classroom.
My son gets vilolently ill before school every morning. He hides under the table and cries everyday. It takes all I can do to get him to school. I contacted the sup.attendant who arranged a meeting with the principal and they were to arrange a system to where if he felt stressed he would give the teachers a signal and he could go to the nurse and calm down. The school never followed through. Instead the principal says things like "oh no you aren't going to do that in my office" after she tells him to go home and lie to me about things that happen at school. He is on the program, but daily sarcastic remarks from teachers is keeping him from advancing.
My son is a self taught muscian in a very successful band. His teachers insist that he is not a true muscian and will never make it. He has completely withdrawn. When I do get him to school they send him right back because he is vomiting.
Now they are getting the courts involved because he has missed too much school. We are to come up with a plan to get and keep him at school. Any ideas?
Help, 13 year old with bad school anxiety
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Guest
Well, thank goodness he has you in his corner. He needs an authortiy figure, a teacher, on his side also. Is there anyone?
Why didn't the school follow through with some compassion and allow him to go to the nurse when he felt ill? It sounds like the school is treating your son like much of the world treats those with emotional illness, no compassion and no understanding.
In regards to what the teachers are saying to him in regards to his music: it doesn't matter. Others words and attitudes do not determine who we are or where we can go. What they are saying, whether valid or not, is superfluous minutia. Let it go.
I would encourage you and him to stick with the program and seek to work it. At some point he will probably start to overcome his fears. It may not be this year or next, but at some point he will. Eventually you can become accustomed to the "stuff" going on, your brain and emotions adjust, and then you can make some headway.
Teachers have a lot of power, but if they are being rude or mean to him continually I'd be at their doorstep continually seeking peace with them for him rather than trying to antagonize them. I'd also be meeting with them on a regular basis to argue his case in a tolerant manner and seeking to be a peacemaker in order to get the teachers to lay off of him for his sake. I'd also consider transferring him to another school, but kids have friends they have grown up with and this may not be the best course of action.
I'm sorry to hear he's having a tough time. I would journal the negative thoughts, including what the teachers are saying, and work at seeing the lies in those thoughts. Work at coming up with replacement thoughts, compassionate, loving thoughts which stand up for and defend his self esteem.
If a teacher says something ugly, be assertive, don't react to the statement, but respond with tolerance and forgiveness. You don't do this because you are a doormat, but because you understand that is how to empower yourself to overcome the circumstances and make peace with your enemies for your son's sake. Be stronger, wiser, more noble by practicing tolerance and forgiveness. It takes a very strong character to be able to do this. Choose empowerment over revenge, anger, and bitterness.
Go to work on the thoughts, keep journaling until you get good at countering the negative ones. Don't accept the "automotatic" negative thoughts. Challenge them. Eventually it will begin to pay off and he will feel better and function better. Keep posting and good luck. I wish you and him the best in these difficult circumstances.
Why didn't the school follow through with some compassion and allow him to go to the nurse when he felt ill? It sounds like the school is treating your son like much of the world treats those with emotional illness, no compassion and no understanding.
In regards to what the teachers are saying to him in regards to his music: it doesn't matter. Others words and attitudes do not determine who we are or where we can go. What they are saying, whether valid or not, is superfluous minutia. Let it go.
I would encourage you and him to stick with the program and seek to work it. At some point he will probably start to overcome his fears. It may not be this year or next, but at some point he will. Eventually you can become accustomed to the "stuff" going on, your brain and emotions adjust, and then you can make some headway.
Teachers have a lot of power, but if they are being rude or mean to him continually I'd be at their doorstep continually seeking peace with them for him rather than trying to antagonize them. I'd also be meeting with them on a regular basis to argue his case in a tolerant manner and seeking to be a peacemaker in order to get the teachers to lay off of him for his sake. I'd also consider transferring him to another school, but kids have friends they have grown up with and this may not be the best course of action.
I'm sorry to hear he's having a tough time. I would journal the negative thoughts, including what the teachers are saying, and work at seeing the lies in those thoughts. Work at coming up with replacement thoughts, compassionate, loving thoughts which stand up for and defend his self esteem.
If a teacher says something ugly, be assertive, don't react to the statement, but respond with tolerance and forgiveness. You don't do this because you are a doormat, but because you understand that is how to empower yourself to overcome the circumstances and make peace with your enemies for your son's sake. Be stronger, wiser, more noble by practicing tolerance and forgiveness. It takes a very strong character to be able to do this. Choose empowerment over revenge, anger, and bitterness.
Go to work on the thoughts, keep journaling until you get good at countering the negative ones. Don't accept the "automotatic" negative thoughts. Challenge them. Eventually it will begin to pay off and he will feel better and function better. Keep posting and good luck. I wish you and him the best in these difficult circumstances.
Thank you boyh for your kind words of encouragement. I was not trying to be a doormat, but was warned by other parents that if questioned, it would make things harder on him. The school has even gone as far as to take frustrations out on siblings who later attend the junior high. We will continue to keep our heads high knowing that the principal will stumble into a trap that she set herself.
~No one can make you feel inferior without your permission~
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Guest
I sympathize with your situation, I just don't know a lot that can be done if the principal and teachers are not considerate except try and show a willingness to cooperate. To "get on their bad side" could make it much worse. My wife is a 4th grade reading teacher, 36 years. The school district, those at the top, run the district like a business. Not a good idea. Good, capable teachers reputations can be ruined by their students failing to achieve the desired scores on state standard testing. In my wife's school it's not the teachers but the family backgrounds of the children, or lack thereof, and individual children's particular physical/emotional disorders which make achieving the desired scores much more difficult. It's a peanut butter spread approach, applying the same standards of scoring to different classes of students, some who are capable of achieving the desired scores and some who are not. It's an unfair system.
My wife has seen this year the unfair treatment of some of the 4th grade students by a new teacher due to their IQ or physical disability. She only wants to help those who she thinks can achieve the scores. This teacher came from a school where most of the students did well on the testing.
Anyway, the program can go a long way in helping your son recover and deal with the unfairness of his situation.
My wife has seen this year the unfair treatment of some of the 4th grade students by a new teacher due to their IQ or physical disability. She only wants to help those who she thinks can achieve the scores. This teacher came from a school where most of the students did well on the testing.
Anyway, the program can go a long way in helping your son recover and deal with the unfairness of his situation.
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Guest
I am not really expert in this. But just an idea. maybe you can take your kid to professional psychiatrist or therapist outside of school. And have them evaluated your kid. If they find some kind of disorder your kid have. Then you and therapy or psychiatrist can figure out what to do about school situation maybe use that disorder to show school that your kid need extra needs or assist or adjust etc? what do you think? Also, have them work with school system. Also this is maybe good idea because this is also a good way to use in court show that your kid have some disorder and the school is making it worse etc... Just a though.. Don also gave good advice! Good ideas for your kid.
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Guest
Thanks for your input Don,
My son has been keeping a journal for the last 3 years, and we have noticed that things change quite a bit after the testing. The whole school relaxes. My son actually is in the top 90% nationally in all subjects. Actually he was considered for advanced classes in 3rd grade.
Our problem is with the respect issue. My son went to work with me at my part time job when he was little. He was quite the little waiter/ intertainer. He would spend his time with business executives. They were always impressed with his ideas ( at the time he was imbetween the ages of 3&5). When he hit jr high school, the teachers and principals told him that they did not have to respect him, but he had to respect them. That didn't mix too wwell with him. Especially since he had caught him in lies. Lies that always favored them, making him look bad. Politics run our school, they can't have a kid figure them out.
My son has been keeping a journal for the last 3 years, and we have noticed that things change quite a bit after the testing. The whole school relaxes. My son actually is in the top 90% nationally in all subjects. Actually he was considered for advanced classes in 3rd grade.
Our problem is with the respect issue. My son went to work with me at my part time job when he was little. He was quite the little waiter/ intertainer. He would spend his time with business executives. They were always impressed with his ideas ( at the time he was imbetween the ages of 3&5). When he hit jr high school, the teachers and principals told him that they did not have to respect him, but he had to respect them. That didn't mix too wwell with him. Especially since he had caught him in lies. Lies that always favored them, making him look bad. Politics run our school, they can't have a kid figure them out.
Amy, thank you for that great advise,
He has been professionally diagnosed with anxiety disorder. He spent a whole summer seeing a councilor. Our family Dr. sent the diagnosis to the school thet read that he had a school phobia that was brought on by certain teachers. That angered them. I set up a meeting with the sup. attendant to see what we could do. We all decided that he would be excused from a situation so that he could do berathing and relaxing techs, but they never followed through. I asked that he be able to talk to the guidence councilor, he has never seen him... and it's been 3 years.
Today we met with the principal and a mediator from the courts. ( finally saw the professional side of the principal) He just shook his head when he heard how the fear of being at school started. (getting hurt at school and being refused to go to the nurse, school neglecting to fix his locker that would not lock so his personal items would disapear, and the teachers would yell at him for not comming to class prepared and so on....)I showed him the evalution the Dr. signed and he was convinced that something else had to be done. That Dr.'s opinion held high reguard with him at least.
After much thought, I am enrolling my son in what we call Digital Academy. He will attend class through podcasts. He will still be able to attend some classes such as music at the physical building if he likes, and will still be able to participate in all school functions if he likes. I strongly was against this because I feel that I am giving into his fears, but I still need to provide him with an education.
Thank you all again for your awesome thoughts and input. Amy, you were right, just because the school "spit" on the Doctors opinion, the courts did hold it in high reguard.
He has been professionally diagnosed with anxiety disorder. He spent a whole summer seeing a councilor. Our family Dr. sent the diagnosis to the school thet read that he had a school phobia that was brought on by certain teachers. That angered them. I set up a meeting with the sup. attendant to see what we could do. We all decided that he would be excused from a situation so that he could do berathing and relaxing techs, but they never followed through. I asked that he be able to talk to the guidence councilor, he has never seen him... and it's been 3 years.
Today we met with the principal and a mediator from the courts. ( finally saw the professional side of the principal) He just shook his head when he heard how the fear of being at school started. (getting hurt at school and being refused to go to the nurse, school neglecting to fix his locker that would not lock so his personal items would disapear, and the teachers would yell at him for not comming to class prepared and so on....)I showed him the evalution the Dr. signed and he was convinced that something else had to be done. That Dr.'s opinion held high reguard with him at least.
After much thought, I am enrolling my son in what we call Digital Academy. He will attend class through podcasts. He will still be able to attend some classes such as music at the physical building if he likes, and will still be able to participate in all school functions if he likes. I strongly was against this because I feel that I am giving into his fears, but I still need to provide him with an education.
Thank you all again for your awesome thoughts and input. Amy, you were right, just because the school "spit" on the Doctors opinion, the courts did hold it in high reguard.
ANGELS CAN FLY BECAUSE THEY TAKE THEMSELVES LIGHTLY