first day at kindergarten drama

sleeplessMom · Post by **sleeplessMom** » Tue Jul 15, 2008 5:21 am

My son started kindergarten this morning (it is a year-round school). He was screaming and crying when I left! He wanted me to stay there the whole day. I felt terrible. He doesn't turn 5 until September, and he is very shy. He has been in preschool all his life, and we did everything we could think of (visiting the school, observing, reading books about kindergarten) to help with this transition, but I fear because he is so shy and he was definitely nervous that he will end up with anxiety too. But I try to tell myself that I don't know what the future will bring, and at least I have some skills I can pass on to him (even though I don't feel 100% recovered, I am doing OK). It is also hard not to second guess myself that we should have waited a year and sent him to kindergarten when he is almost 6, as seems to be the trend these days. He is above average academically, though, so that didn't seem to be the right thing to do. I guess I can't make a determination based on the first morning's drop-off. We'll see what happens!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Jul 15, 2008 6:56 am

Sounds like a normal reaction to me, especially since he probably sensed your fears/second guessing. I would make sure you have an open/honest relationship with his teacher and don't get upset with her for his behavior. I'm sure he'll be fine and you can teach him everything we've learned so he doesn't develop any more nervous habits and/or anxiety!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Jul 15, 2008 6:57 am

It will all work out fine, but it may take a few days for it to happen. I registered my son fro Kindergarten last week and he was afraid and did not want to go in the office. He had to take an assessment test and I had to bribe him with lunch for him to take the test. My son is also very shy, but he tends to loosen up when he gets around other kids.
I look for the same thing to happen with our son because he will be starting a new school and daycare all in the same day. But I am strong and I am doing the right thing, so are you. It may just take a few days for adjustment.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Jul 15, 2008 1:58 pm

Thank you both for your support. Things went better than expected, considering how the day started out (Isn't that usually the case?). The teacher said after my husband and I left, my son laid on the carpet for 45 minutes, then was fine after that. I was really worried that he wouldn't cooperate because they do their assessments on the first day.... that they would say "what is this color" and he would cross his arms, put his chin down, frowning, and say "Hmph" like he does to us all the time. But he cooperated, and another teacher said she heard he did well on his assessments. This transition is such a hard one for parents! Heather, you may have been right that he over-heard my second guessing, because later today out of the blue he declared: "I actually AM ready." I said "Ready for what?" "Kindergarten," he said. JW74, both my boys are the same way; it takes them a while to warm up to new people and situations. I am sure your son will do fine too, but there are always little bumps. Next hurdle, getting him on the bus next week...

Roy2086 · Post by **Roy2086** » Wed Jul 16, 2008 8:11 am

Gosh, sleepless, I fell terrible for making my son face all this on his first day. The bus, kindergarten, a new daycare, a new lunch routine, etc.
Granted, I will probably take him to school on his first day, but from then on it will be the bus.
I'm glad things went smooth with your son and it sounds like he will catch on quickly.

asmay_1983 · Post by **asmay_1983** » Wed Jul 16, 2008 11:31 am

JW: My older son took the bus to school since his first day of kindergarten. I even sent him on his very first day! He had seen his room the Friday before and knew where to go. He was so stubborn that I thought if I drove him to school the first day, we would never get him on the bus. So he took the bus from morning #1 and did just fine. The fact is, most kids are really excited about riding a school bus, so you don't need to lump that in with everything else! I guess we just have to prepare them for what to expect as best we can, and then let go and trust that they will be OK. I think I over-did the talking about it part (trying to prepare him) because now he is sticking his fingers in his ears when I mention it. Although he DID want to play kindergarten for several hours at home today, so I guess I just have to take his cues.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Thu Jul 17, 2008 3:27 am

Sleepless, you'll have to keep me informed of the progress. Mine starts kindergarten in 5 weeks and I do thing it will be exciting, but it sounds like I could learn a few new things from your experiences.
Let me know how it continues to go.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Thu Jul 17, 2008 4:06 am

I'm glad it went well later. It's so hard to make these decisions, isn't it! Our son's birthday is May and school started in Aug, we waited until he was 6 because he is super shy (even when he hasn't seen relatives in a while, he will hide), so he was 7 when he ended Kindergarten. He was ready academically, he knew all of his colors before he was 2 and knew all of his letter sounds before Kindergarten and could write his name, ect. My husband did not want to wait a year, but it was the best for our child. However, we ARE sending our 4 year old (she will be 5 in October) next month to Kindergarten, we think she is ready and really wants to go. Oh, our son had never been in preschool, so that's another reason we waited to send him. Even though they are 2.5 years apart, they will only be one year difference in school! We figure if it doesn't go well, we'll just take her out and wait another year, no big deal, no harm done.

Only you can decide what is best for your son. You know what he can handle and it sounds like he did really well the rest of the day, congratulations mom!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Thu Jul 17, 2008 12:11 pm

JW: I'll keep you posted how it goes next week...his first real week. I don't know if this makes sense for your situation, but one thing I kind of wish I had thought of earlier was to send my son to a fun half-day camp for a week instead of just going from his preschool one week to the kindergarten the next. A camp would have gotten him out of his comfort zone, but since the focus is more on fun and it is not as intimidating as a big huge school, I wonder if that would have helped him with new situations. It's hard to say. I have read a couple of books on shyness (The Shyness Breakthrough was one) thinking of my older child, but now I guess I should take another look with the younger in mind, and they talk about gradually expanding the comfort zone, coupling the new with the familiar at the same time. So I could have sent him to our museum or somewhere he is very familiar with. But I didn't think of it before.

Holly J · Post by **Holly J** » Thu Jul 17, 2008 12:15 pm

Ocean: You are right...parents have to make these hard decisions, and we do need to trust our instincts. But I guess we also have to realize there is no "right" or "wrong" decision. We just make the decision based on the best information we have and see how it turns out. It may turn out my son does fine, and it may have been if I had waited a year that also would have been fine. Like you, I figure I can pull him out after the first quarter if it is really a disaster, or have him repeat a year, but it may be just fine. I didn't have any concerns about his readiness until 2 weeks ago, when he seemed to get more shy and uncooperative, but it may be just nerves as it approaches. That is funny your kids will be so close in grades, but actually that is kind of good! I am congratulating myself because although I was upset and cried (I wasn't the only one!) because of how it was going, I didn't over-react or let my emotions get out of control. One step at a time....