Advice Needed - What to Tell My Kids?

CindyRu · Post by **CindyRu** » Thu Jul 03, 2008 9:33 am

I am just new to the program (actually just received it today). My anxiety has been rather low-key for the last 5 years (that's when my doctor said it was Generalized Anxiety). Anyway, it started up again 3 weeks ago with a panic attack. I'm managing ok, but am looking forward to starting the program. My question/concern is what to say to my children, especially my daughter. She is 10 and is very in tune with me...she knows when things aren't quite right. (My son is 8 and senses something is off, but is not too concerned about it). My daughter has started asking questions and I don't know what to say to her. I want to be truthful, but I don't want to scare her or concern her! How much can a 10 year old handle?

curlygirl · Post by **curlygirl** » Thu Jul 03, 2008 4:41 pm

Hi, I have had anxiety on and off in my life since I was 14. I am now 35 and have an 11 and 2 year old. My anxiety started again 1 1/2 years ago and at first I did not tell my 9 year old, but one day I had a MAJOR Panic Attack with him and my husband drove me to Urgent Care. I told him that I felt dizzy and nausous. Now from time to time I will tell him that I don't feel good, am tired, feel like its too much, and overwhelmed. I also have physical problems with my back and feet. I haven't really gone into detail with my son, but he did recently ask me when was it going to go away. I told him that I was working on relaxation and he knows that I go to therapy and a massage. he doesn't say anything about it. Most of the time I think he forgets. If you figure out a good method please let me know.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Jul 04, 2008 5:56 am

I don't like the idea of parents involving children in their health issues. Children worry.
Think about it.
MJ

CindyRu · Post by **CindyRu** » Fri Jul 04, 2008 7:52 am

I tend to agree that children shouldn't be involved...BUT my daughter knows something is wrong! So far, I have told her that mom hasn't been feeling too well and that it is an adult problem that she does not need to worry about. I guess my only concern is that she WILL end up worrying because she doesn't understand and I thought maybe there was something that I could tell her that would eliminate any fears or concerns she had.

ReeRee · Post by **ReeRee** » Mon Jul 07, 2008 5:56 am

My daughter has seen me in the ER due to PAMS.
I know that she was worried about my health and became my shadow after that. Only time helped. My biggest concern is working with her so that her anxiety is not a problem when she gets older. She is currently 9 and is very sensitive. Any suggestions?

Angla · Post by **Angla** » Mon Jul 07, 2008 6:15 am

ReeRee
Hi I know it is difficult when dealing with these issues with your children. I too have a very sensitive daughter, she already has obsessive scarey thoughts. I know this is hereditary in some cases. But I also know this is a learned behavior also. I have just reassured her, that she is wonderful, I try to make a point to tell her that daily. Reassure her that she is good and try to give her a basis for good self esteem. I know Lucinda talks on the tapes about how she and her husband tried to keep telling their kids how special and wonderful they are. I think this is so important. And I also tell her when she has a scarey thought, it is just that, a silly thought, no big deal, and try to get her distracted and thinking on something happier, as we as adults have to do also. Too remember as you improve and learn the skills you need thru this program, you will have the skills to teach her from the program if she needs them.
I hope this helped in some small way. I wish you luck in your recovery and peace always.
Your Friend
Angla

Dodger · Post by **Dodger** » Mon Jul 07, 2008 6:34 am

hi girls.....I have two small children and I have to agree that sometimes they just dont need the details of every issue to feel safe and secure.

I think its perfectly healthy to say Moms not feeling well today or right now, but not to worry Ill feel better soon! Children need to know that the adults around them are strong and capable of taking care of them and if anxeity is your only issue you can do that its all a matter of changing your mindset.

As the program teaches us anxiety/depression is something we have taught ourselves to do, and we can teach ourselves not to do it.

There will always be stress in life and thats ok....we need to learn to deal with it in the best way we can and show our kids that life is ok to live. We learn as we live. Our kids are not susposed to take on the burdon of worry, certainly not to worry about us....they will have thier own worries in life as they grow.

Boon · Post by **Boon** » Mon Jul 07, 2008 7:11 am

Having panic attack disorder is not something you need to hide nor do you need to make a big deal out of it. The lighter you handle it the lighter your children will handle it - and that's what you want. It's no big deal.

Children have a way of "blaming" themselves when something is amiss. Bless their hearts. They just do. They are very sensitive and in tune to us as parents. Share with them that you have anxiety issues but it's not dangerous and certainly something that you can handle. Sometimes you might feel a certain way and you can say, "Oh, it's just anxiety. It will pass." If you don't treat it like a heavy load they won't.

CindyRu · Post by **CindyRu** » Mon Jul 07, 2008 1:43 pm

Thanks for such great advice. You all seem to understand how sensitive children can be. I pride myself on how honest my relationship is with my children and this is the first time (probably not the last) that I have struggled with how much I need to tell them. Boon I like your idea about being honest but not making a big deal out of it...my daughter in particular has come to expect this of me and I can't imagine being any other way with her.

Elisheva · Post by **Elisheva** » Wed Jul 23, 2008 1:52 am

I have a question along similar lines, but my situation is a little different. I have 5 children who are older (between the ages of 10 -19), and having recently received the program in the mail,they want to know what it is. They've seen me listen to the tapes in my room, and although I've put the workbook out of their sight, they've also caught a glimpse of the cover (Combatting Stress and Depression Program). My children do not know that I suffer from this, like many of you, I am a good actress and I keep in under cover. I don't know what to do about this. It's a big issue for me. I just don't have the self confidence yet to tell them what it is, and it's hard for me to sort of brush it off lightly like it's nothing. I think I told one of the children it's a set of tapes dealing with handling stress, but I don't know what to do when they see the words Anxiety and Depression. They are pretty heavy words for kids. It all feels so sneaky, like I'm hidimg it all behind their backs, which is what I'm doing, yet at the same time, they know I'm up to something. I'd like to get some feedback from other parents with older children, and how they've dealt with this.
Thank you for your help,
Elisheva