my temper snapped

[rosalinda]

YOU AREN'T CRACKING UP, YOU ARE OVERLOADED. GOD KNOWS I HAVE BEEN THERE THREE TIMES. TRUTHFULLY, ITS ONLY THE MERCIES OF GOD THAT I DIDN'T KILL MYSELF OR MY FIRST BORN. SHE CRIED FROM THE TIME SHE CAME INTO THE WORLD( EVEN NOW AT 19). I HAD THE PRESSURES OF BEING UNWED, BEING ONLY 19 AND NO SUPPORT. THE BABY CRIED AND I CRIED. I WAS OVERWHELMED, SCARED, AND HORMONALLLY UNBALANCED. I NEVER HEARD OF POSTPARTUM DEPRESSION IN 1987, BUT I KNOW NOW THAT ITS SOMETHING YOU CAN'T HANDLE ALONG. IT HAS A MIND OF ITS OWN. CRY OUT GIRL AND CRY LOUD. TALK TO YOUR DOC OR WHOEVER THAT WILL LISTEN. IF I WAS NEAR, I WOULD VOLUNTEER, SO YOU CAN HAVE SOME QUIET TIME TO REGROUP. REMEMBER NINE MONTHS YOUR BODY WENT INTO OVERDRIVE. YOUR MIND NEEDS PEACE. YOU NEED SOLACE. BUT I WILL TELL YOU THIS BEFORE I FINALLY END....YEAH RIGHT....IT WILL GET BETTER,I PROMISE. OUR BABIES ARE WORTH IT!!!!

[jugray]

M,
What kind of formula are you using? Try soy or goat's milk if you haven't already. You're not crazy, crazy people don't recognize that they have a problem, that's why you are here. U need a day of pampering. Get a sitter and go out. Who hasn't cursed at inanimate objects or thrown things in a fit of overwhelmingness? You will be fine. February is almost over and then here comes spring. Keep listening to the tapes (get a pair of headphones if you need to) they really work. Pay attention to your thoughts, negative thoughts create negative situations. Maybe go back and redo lesson 3. God knows we all struggle with this. HOpe it works out for you.

[liquid paper]

Hello. My first born was a high need child. He too cried when he woke up and did not sleep through the night untill way past the "normal" age. I chose to hold him as much as I could. Kind of like the gorillas one would see in the wild. When he was an infant and had collic I held him but used ear plugs to help detach from the crying. I nursed him so I often took him into my bed at night just to avoid getting up so often during the night. There were times when I got angry and took his neediness personnaly. When a child cries my first impulse is to "fix" it; a good mother should be able to fix things I thought at the time. But its not always possible to fix the problems for a crying child. I would make sure that medically everything is ok with your child. Then try giving her some undivided attention, hugs, playing on the floor,getting all the tupperware out and playing with that. whatever it is she likes to do. I think children can pick up on our emotions and if you are feeling the need to avoid her and pull away, she may be picking up on that and feeling anxcious about it. One thing you said in your post that may warrent some exploration on your part was that your dogs are so used to your rants that they ran to the door. You may want to work on getting your anger level down, use the relaxation tapes. I use a grattitude list myself. 2x a day write down 5 things youre gratefull for. It has to be different things on each list. It doesnt matter how big or small the things are. Anger/rage can become a habitual response to things. Irritablity is a symptom of depression/ anxiety so don't feel bad about having it. WE all do. If you have to, pretend one of your neighbors is at your house when you interact with your child, Do you want them to see you behaving that way?! Raising kids is very hard work so be sure to hug yourself from time to time as well. I could go on and on on this topic as my husband was not much help in the baby department either, but I will say you can get through this with grace and happiness. Here is a hug for you.

[bevhembree]

Bless your heart. I can totally relate. I snapped this week and my hubby told me to get out, that he was sick of me. I didn't have anything to do with the 16 month old this past weekend and you may be the only one to understand why. I just needed a break.
Moms are supposed to be there 24/7. Dad's get off work and come home to watch tv and eat the dinner you cooked so you can clean up after them. Mine doesn't sleep all night either and I would love to check into a hotel ALONE one night to get some sleep.
I am venting and really don't mean offense to anyone out there by my last paragraph. I know all men and women aren't like the mom and dad I described, but that's how it is at my house.
I understand when I call my husband for help that he is our lifeline and support and can't just leave for me. But I am so desparate for help and him that it drives me nuts and there does the anxiety and depression cycle.
My doc gave me a new med to try yesterday so maybe that would help. You may be experiencing post partum like me and some med might do some good for you.
When you can't take it, put the baby in the crib. There is nothing in there to hurt them and a little crying won't either. Punch your pillow, go outside and throw rocks, run around your house until you can't anymore. Release steam however you can. I like to turn the stereo on as high as it will go and sing and dance franticly until the feeling leaves. Thank God nobody can see me. It would probably be comitted. It is pretty funny looking though.
You are nor crazy or bad. Don't ever let those thoughts get in your head. Pray, pray, pray and take it one hour at a time if you have too.
God bless you and hold you in the palm of His hand. I will be thinking of you. Beverly

[scrappymom]

mmk22 - You are NOT alone!!!

There will be many who will post that they know what you are going through.

I had four kids and NONE of them slept through the night until over the age of 2!!! Some not until age 4. My redhead would wake me up with his face next to mine by the bed at just the moment I fell asleep whether at 9:00, 11:00 or 1:00 or 3:00 - I went nuts! I finally gave in and we adopted a family bed until they were over 2 years old - but that is not for everyone.

The main thing is to relax. Our children feel our anxiety and they care so much for us. REALLY listen to lesson 4 expectations - and give yourself permission to lighten the burden of being the perfect mom. YOU ALREADY ARE THE PERFECT MOM FOR YOUR CHILD. Just love yourself and it will all work out.

Prayers are with you!

[Barb G.]

mmk, We will not judge you. We want to love on you and your little one. Can you tell by all the posts how much we want to help. My concern is you haven't checked back yet. I will keep you in my prayers. Could you possibly get away on Wed. nite on the phone for prayer? Go to the spiritual section of the forums and see "Praying Together". They call in on a conference call. It gives the different times for Wed. nite. I'm central so it's 9pm. It's anywhere from 7pm -9pm, you'll have to check for the number and passcode. I look forward to meeting you on there. Your husband or someone can hopefully watch your little one while you take a much needed time out for yourself. Meanwhile take it easy on yourself. I can tell you are a good mom. God bless you!

[187killumcub]

she is right where did you go to?I had twins and they kept the family busy because elizabeth would sleep deeply but when the girl cried it was like a siren and heck I never thought they'd grow up but ashley and elizabeth are 19 years old and they grow up so quickly.

I had a thing I did and maybe it will work for you,I counted down from 20 ,put them in their room and count down by the time you hit ten don't be surprised if the kid starts to count down with you.................

[DeniseD]

You are definitely not alone. When my daughter was born, I, too, felt like I was losing it. I think that I had post partum depression and just didn't realize it. And I was very anxious. My daughter is now 19 and is a very sensitive person and I now think that she was just picking up on my feelings and reflecting it back to me. She was a very demanding baby and I sometimes resented her. But now she is going through some emotional problems of her own and I think so often that I would gladly turn back the hands of time and do everything over if I could.For one thing, I would just concentrate on her and our relationship when she was little and let everything else take second place. Just sit and hold her and rock half the day away. Instead, I was way to concerned with being a perfect 'every woman, clean house, good cook, was trying to finish my college degree, feeling guilty because I wasn't working, etc. But those days of being able to hold her lasted such a short time and now I wonder if my being the way I was when she was so young is why she is dealing with difficulties now.
So give yourself a break. You need time to rest and relax so you can be relaxed around her and then just maybe she will be relaxed as well.
Hope some of this helps.
Also noticed the post was on Valentine's Day and wondered if that entered into it since it is soooo hard to go from romantic, sexy woman to Mom. Sounds like hubby wasn't what he needed to be when you needed him.

[fixnme1st]

You are not crazy or a bad mom! You are exhausted,have sleep deprevation,sensory overload,lack human adult friendship and socialization during the day and feel lonly and isolated.This could be a combination of post-partum depression and colic/gastroesophageal reflux/teething on the baby's part.Niether of my 2 slept through the night for years both screamed for 6hrs a night every night just at different times.And after youv'e tried everything there is to do feeding,changing,rocking,burping,singing,bouncing,etc I would finally just sit and cry along with them because I was so overwhelmed.My grandchildren are the same way for my dtr and the first day I held my granddaugther so my dtr could shower,Boy did it bring me right back!.You are not alone.You need support from your physician,a counselor,your family,friends,neighbors,(a church family)us whoever you can reach out to.it will pass Just keep talking and it never hurt a baby to cry in a crib alone for a while. I'm Praying

[IALP]

I hope you are feeling better. My first child was a 'wakeful baby' too (Penelope Leach wrote a very insightful book titled Your Baby and Child From Birth to Age 5). He was not happy unless I was with him all the time. He even screamed as an infant when I had to take a shower. He constantly wanted to be with me and for me to play with him. I moved a rocking chair into his room so I could read while he played. I also brought some of the toys into our living room. When he was older, he had to be with me when I cooked dinner, so I carefully pulled a chair to one side of me and found safe things for him to help me with. I too have had my over reactive moments where I blew up like a volcano. I think we keep too much inside and then when something else happens we react in a way we wish we would not have. When I write my feelings down, I am less anxious and have some relief. My husband and I had our 2nd child with 1 year and 9 months between, once our second son was older, my first son had someone else to play with and was not always attached to me. Now we have 4 boys, the youngest is 3 and very much attached to me (only Mommy can do things for him). I do not mind so much any more - I have learned to let go of some things and appreciate the trust. Listen to your heart and mind, as a mother of your child, you will have special insight for her needs.
The sharp shrill cries in the night are most likely due to teething - the pain for some little ones is like pins being stuck in the gums. I wish I had known about this program when I was a new mom.
Please take care!