my temper snapped

IALP · Post by **IALP** » Sun Feb 17, 2008 5:14 pm

I hope you are feeling better. My first child was a 'wakeful baby' too (Penelope Leach wrote a very insightful book titled Your Baby and Child From Birth to Age 5). He was not happy unless I was with him all the time. He even screamed as an infant when I had to take a shower. He constantly wanted to be with me and for me to play with him. I moved a rocking chair into his room so I could read while he played. I also brought some of the toys into our living room. When he was older, he had to be with me when I cooked dinner, so I carefully pulled a chair to one side of me and found safe things for him to help me with. I too have had my over reactive moments where I blew up like a volcano. I think we keep too much inside and then when something else happens we react in a way we wish we would not have. When I write my feelings down, I am less anxious and have some relief. My husband and I had our 2nd child with 1 year and 9 months between, once our second son was older, my first son had someone else to play with and was not always attached to me. Now we have 4 boys, the youngest is 3 and very much attached to me (only Mommy can do things for him). I do not mind so much any more - I have learned to let go of some things and appreciate the trust. Listen to your heart and mind, as a mother of your child, you will have special insight for her needs.
The sharp shrill cries in the night are most likely due to teething - the pain for some little ones is like pins being stuck in the gums. I wish I had known about this program when I was a new mom.
Please take care!

jamie lee · Post by **jamie lee** » Thu Feb 21, 2008 11:45 am

You are not alone and you are not a bad mom. Reading your post touched me b/c I am in the same situation that you are in my little boy. He is 15 months old and cutting 2 molars right now. The constant crying is enough to make a nun snap!!the frustation and sleep depravation is hard for an emotionally health person to handle,but when you add anxiety and depression it becomes at times to much to handle. My only advice is DON'T BEAT YOURSELF UP!!!!!!! guilting your self will only make you more depressed. Forgive your self and know that you will handle the sitaution better next time. Let the guilt go and The next time you feel like your going to explode with anger use the six steps to stoping an axiety attack (session 2) These steps work great for anger and frustration. good luck
jamie lee

mmk22 · Post by **mmk22** » Sat Feb 23, 2008 5:23 am

Oh thank you thank you thank you!!!
You are all so kind to care enough to write back to me...let me fill you in...
I spent the rest on the night feeling bad about everything, the phone, the yelling, not being able to stay calm, mostly though, I felt really scared that I let all these strangers into my life at a really low point. I thought for sure someone was going to pull into my driveway any second and take my baby and my dogs..."We're sorry ma'am, you are just not mentally fit enough to be a parent". Thats part of why I havent responded. I was scared all these people would write back saying how Im just an ungrateful brat and babies are God's creatures and I should be so lucky to have one. But you didnt, thankfully.
After realizing how short he was on the phone, my husband spent the whole night calling, couldnt get me, (for obvious reasons), and flew home thinking I had killed myself. I understand he has to work, and he's a great husband and father, but if I was married to me, I would put my family first. I tried to convey this to him, but unfortunatly, he is very one-sided, so now he really thinks Im suicidal, and is treating me like a fragile piece of glass. This is exactly what I didnt want.
You all had great advice, in fact, I spoke to my sister and explained how Ive been feeling and she has agreed to help me with the baby, especially now that Im really getting into these tapes. Part of my problem is that I am a control freak, so I have a hard time letting other people take my daughter. But thats part of why Im doing this program. I need to learn to let go a little and let other people in to help me because obviously, this isn't working. It's so nice to see that Im not alone. I know babies are worth it. Thats why we put up with them. That and they're really cute.
I know I need lot of help. I know I need some kind of temper control. I probably have post pardom depression. I probably have regular depression. I know I have anxiety. I dont feel comfortable taking medication. Thats why Im trying this. If this doesnt work, I will have to try meds. Is there a medication I can take as needed rather than every day? I cant keep going like a bomb like this. I dont want to make my family scared of me.
I also feel like being in the middle of this program has made me more fragile, kinda like a "get worse before you get better" kinda thing. Does anyone else feel that way? I love the advice to act as though my neighbor is visiting, thats a great way to gain perspective.
Does anyone know about any good books for parents of colicky babies? Its not her formula, she's on cows milk now. Teething isnt helping, no molars yet, but God help me when those suckers come in...
Pleease keep the advice coming, I need all the help I can get. I think you guys can help me more than any 15 minutes with a doctor could.
I cant express how grateful I am to all of you for taking time out of your lives to try to help me. I really means the world. I will be checking my posts online on a regular basis now that I know you guys arent out to make me feel worse. Please keep in touch.

Believer08 · Post by **Believer08** » Thu Mar 06, 2008 5:25 am

I can truly relate to you. I have an 11 month old that I stay home with all day. Much like your weather the snow prevents us from being able to release our energy whether it be negative or positive. She is the reason I started this program. I continously kept flipping out with her, at her, etc. Then the guilt would come attacking me......I have no family here nor any friends....I'm only here because of my husbands job. As far is his concern I really don't think he has any...hes not supportive nor could he stay home with the baby for a day without losing his patience. What I found best was finding someone to vent with to release all that emotions and my Doctor prescribed Xanax. There will be days my Xanax usuage is very mild and some days when its higher. I am using this program but I found so far it helps but it doesn't work alone with me. Its another tool....not a cure all. FInding someone positive who can relate is so important. But what we both need is some real mommy time outs for us....I have been praying that God will bring that too me....He is an on time God....and know that you are not alone going through this. Feel free too email me anytime. I just went through a snap this morning trying to do it without meds and just breathing......nothings perfect and neither are we. God Bless you always.....

Believer08 · Post by **Believer08** » Thu Mar 06, 2008 5:30 am

Be happy you have a sister here to help...again I have no help. I don't feel safe leaving my infant at a day care. But I will enroll her before I allow a breakdown to come. We will get through this.............

cgcs · Post by **cgcs** » Wed Mar 12, 2008 10:28 am

mmk22
Just posting is a step in the right direction. I have four beautiful kids and I know how you feel. I know, I suffered from postpartum depression. Please talk to your Dr. It took me 6 years after my youngest was born to seek help. I'm on Zoloft now and it has given me my life back. I'm new to this program and I'm hopeful that it will also help. You are NOT alone and there are many people who understand what you are going thru.

Try taking your daughter outside, even in the snow!! Fresh air and exercise might tire her out so you can both get some rest.

bevhembree · Post by **bevhembree** » Wed Mar 12, 2008 2:52 pm

cgcs,
I thought I was wrong in believing I was barely coming out of PDD when I had my 3rd child. I couldn't believe it could last that long- 7 years. Looking back and having my husband repeatedly tell me (b/c it's taking some time since this last pregnancy and I'm not very patient), I can see how it was. Thanks for confirming that. It helps to know I'm on the recovery path and not hopeless.

flyingmom · Post by **flyingmom** » Fri Mar 21, 2008 9:04 pm

I can totally relate. These Winters in the NE don't seem to give up, do they? I'm a stay at home Mom for a now 6 year old who is in half day kindergarten. He is very bright and as my husband says "knows how to push my buttons". I find myself screaming at him because he won't listen to my more calm requests.

Now he screams at me and calls me names occassionally. I'm so glad you're starting the program now. I wish I had started it years ago. It's hard to find time, I know, especially with a demanding child. I'm up in the middle of the night writing this but that's not the answer either.

Spring is coming believe it or not. It will get easier! The older they get the more able to entertain themselves, and then you can get some things done around the house or for yourself. It sounds like you're in the right place/forum.

JodyLynn · Post by **JodyLynn** » Fri Mar 21, 2008 9:09 pm

Isn't it wonderful that spring is coming. I too had postpartum really bad. I found out recently that I not only have clinical depression but that I also have seasonal depression which means it gets even worse during the winter months. I can't wait for spring. I really needed someone to talk to tonight but everyone seems to be sleeping. So I guess I will try tomorrow. Jody

mom of many · Post by **mom of many** » Sat Mar 22, 2008 5:00 pm

Hi. This is the first time I have ever posted anything. I am a stay at home mom too. I was wondering about you saying that you couldn't breathe. I have this problem too. I was wondering if you had ever found out what it is, or what helps to make it go away. I have been afraid that mine might be some sort of asthma or something, and it seems to get worse in the summer. Can't seem to get a deep breathe at times. But after reading your post I'm wondering if it's not just the stress of being a mom who very rarely gets a chance to anything for herself without the pressure to hurry up. I also have a little one who doesn't sleep at night. seems like none of our children (7) have til much later. Sleeplessness really makes me on edge and hard to live with. Anyway, I understand totally what your describing and have had days like this. It does give me hope to read of someone else going through it, and to know it's the stress of being a mommy, which I love, obviously, but struggle with sometimes too.