my temper snapped

mmk22 · Post by **mmk22** » Thu Feb 14, 2008 1:38 pm

I snapped tonight. My baby woke up screaming again and I couldnt take it. I flipped out. I tried to walk away from her so I wouldnt snap on her. She followed me around the house, screaming, so I started screaming. I dont want her to grow up in a home where mommy's crazy and emotional and flipps out all the time. I put her in her crib so I wouldnt do something I would regret...I tried to calm down, breathe, I couldnt breathe. I could sob...and cry...and now Im all red and blotchy from hives. I called my husband at work, told him I needed him, he said he was busy, to call someone else. I hung up on him, threw my phone and broke it. Now I cant call someone for help even if I wanted to. I dont know why I cant handle her crying. I should be able to. Im her mother. I just feel so inadequate as a mother. I walked by my dog and wanted to kick her. My little best friend. Thankfully, the dogs are all too used to my rants and ran to the door. I let them out and they just stood there in the snow staring at their crazy mommy.
I feel so helpless. I feel like I get overcome by my emotions. Like im a walking timebomb. This cant be normal. I miss my quiet pregnant days, now I have a 15 month old that needs constant entertainment, hasnt slept through the night since the day she was born, cant play by herself, cries all morning, all evening, and God forbid I walk into another room....Im not a bad mom, I try really really hard to accomodate her, shes my world. But right now Im trying to become a better mom and I cant get a break to do anything for myself. I live in NH, Im 40 miles from the nearest city, I stay home all day with her, we cant go outside because its 12 degrees and there's 3 1/2 feet of snow in my front yard. please dont judge me. I really do try my best, lately though, I just feel so completely alone and pathetic. Im really trying to pe positive, I've been doing really good since I started the program, even posted a nice happy picture of myself....if you could see me tonight....not so good. I look like a puffy red pizza. I need help, I need some perpective, just tell me if I need professional help, medication or if Im just having the winter blues. And if anyone's interested, I might have a baby up for sale here pretty soon.

*D* · Post by ***D*** » Thu Feb 14, 2008 2:59 pm

hi,
as a man i do not know how you do what you do. i know that its hard to carry a child for 9 months and then raise them and be home 24.7 as you go throughthe program you will get the skills an tools that you need to help you cope with things..you need someone that you can talk and discuss things with...you said that your husband was atwork and was too busy. how about when he gets home..do you and him do things together..it does get hard in the winter when ou can not go out..
maybe the child has teeth coming in or is sick. have you thought about that...its not her fault that she is crying..is that you first child..i am just trying to see hw you are after you wrote this..
i went throuh the program in 2004 and come in here from time to time to help uplift others..
let me know how you are doing and i will post a reply. know that you are in our thoughts and prayers...GOD BLESS...i will talk to you later..
don

Davidman · Post by **Davidman** » Thu Feb 14, 2008 3:07 pm

Hi mmk22 -- It sounds like your emotional cup is full and when there is one more drop of emotion your cup runs over.

I'm not much at giving advice -- I usually need some advice myself -- but surely there is someone out there who can provide some support for you. A lot of communities have a mental health hotline listed in the phone directory that you can call, talk, and find out what kind of support groups are out there. There are also some personal coaches available through Stress Center that you may want to make contact with. And by all means keep working this program!

There's one thing I know about life: it changes. So hang in there.

And do let us know what you do. Tomorrow read the post you wrote today and I think you will agree that you need to do something.

It's the strong ones who reach out, get help, and grow stronger.

so-unordinary · Post by **so-unordinary** » Thu Feb 14, 2008 3:22 pm

Hi there, I was in a similar situation 14 years ago when i had a baby as a single mother. I can totally relate.I had to reach within and start forgiving myself and loving who I am. You can do it too. You are very special and extremely powerful to bless others.
Has anyone told you you are loved today?
Please go to : <A HREF="http://hasanyonetoldyou.com/" TARGET=_blank>http://hasanyonetoldyou.com/</A>

This will refresh you

Mary Wargo · Post by **Mary Wargo** » Thu Feb 14, 2008 3:24 pm

mmk22- Please call a mental health hotline in your area. I am worried for you. Sounds like you are under a lot of stress home alone all day with the baby.

kmurillo11355 · Post by **kmurillo11355** » Thu Feb 14, 2008 3:55 pm

YOU JUST SAID SO YOURSELF, THE BABY CRIES ALL DAY ALL NIGHT, SHE HASNT SLEPT THROUGH THE NIGHT YET AND SHE IS 15 MONTHS OLD, SWEETIE WHO WOULDNT BE ON OVERLOAD, IVE BEEN THERE 3 TIMES WITH THIS DAM ANXIETY AND SCARY THOUGHTS YOU ARE NORMAL HONEY, AND A GOOD MOTHER, TRUST ME. BUT IT HAPPENS TO EVERYONE RELAX OKAY. YOU WILL BE OKAY, I DON NOT THINK YOU NEED TO CALL A HOTLINE, YOU NEED SLEEP, AND SOME TIME ALONE TO UNWIND, THAT IS ALL

HopfulME · Post by **HopfulME** » Thu Feb 14, 2008 4:21 pm

kmurillo11355 said it best. I am a mother of 2 and have 3 grandchildren. It is so tough when you are home all day with your children. I was lucky but my daughter's second child had collick the first 6 months of her life and is still a handful at 22 months old. It was very difficult for her and for the rest of us.
You are doing the best that you can. Sometimes the screaming can really get to you though. Put the baby in her crib and go scream into a pillow when it gets really bad. The most important thing is to sleep when the baby sleeps. Usually I am worse if I have not gotten enough sleep. Then you take it out on everyone. Try not to be too hard on your husband when he is at work. I know how it is when I am at work, I can't really talk, and there is nothing I can do about a situation so I get frustrated. Husbands don't always understand what we are feeling, and then we lash out at them.
Also try the relaxation tapes. I get overwhelmed and my cup runs over, and I dont' even have a baby. I was a yeller and screamer and I would flip out because people would not give me a minute. Usually it is when family (sisters nieces and nephews) are over. Everyone talks at once and they all have something to say about something. Alos is good, but a lot is negative. They would laugh if I went into my room, and I felt so guilty, but sometimes you need to get away from them. I know it is hard to get away from the baby, but for 5 minute intervals, go to a quiet part of the house. Make sure the baby is safe, and just do something for yourself. My mom always says THIS TOO SHALL PASS and it will. Hang in there. Keep coming here as just knowing someone else is going through the same types of things as you will help tremendously.
HOPEFULL

breathetoday · Post by **breathetoday** » Thu Feb 14, 2008 4:22 pm

as a mother of an 11 month preemie who was born at 26 weeks, i can only say that i have found that when i stay inside all day, my heart really speeds up and i fight anxiety all day. my little one doesn't like being alone either. breathing sometimes works and i also work with a therapist and a psychiatrist. I have medication for when the times get really tough. growing up with parents who constantly screamed at me and would occasionally snap and hit me, i would try any avenue possible to make sure i don't leave the same heartbreak for my child. good luck.

thundersnow · Post by **thundersnow** » Thu Feb 14, 2008 5:27 pm

maybe you should call your family physician and tell him you think you might have postpartum depression. i don't know if you do or not, but you are under a lot of stress being home all day by yourself with a baby who cries all the time. he/she might be able to give you something to help if you need it.

Marie Therese · Post by **Marie Therese** » Thu Feb 14, 2008 5:31 pm

I am a mom as well, and I've been there. You are not going crazy. You are not flipping out. You are just exhausted. You have a high-needs baby, and she is wearing you out. I recognize this because I had a high-needs baby too. You need to sleep, take a bath, read or do something relaxing without interruption. Maybe there's another mom in your area you could trade babysitting with? Or you could hire a responsible kid from the neighborhood to watch her for a couple of dollars an hour while you putter around your house and get something done. Or, if you have a safe place to do so, put your baby there and leave her for 5-10 minutes at a time, maybe one or two times a day. She'll be fine, even if she cries. Just hang in there. You are not alone!