Stress Center Peer Support

Hi everyone:)!

I know that there are many posts on here about being afraid to get pregnant and being anxious and pregnant, and I am surely going to read all of them.

My situation is a little different. I have an eleven year old son with severe autism. He is non-verbal and there is just so much stress in dealing with him. In the autism community and on certain message boards, there are often conversations about whether or not to have more children when you have one child with autism, and I've posted on there as well.

I am thirty four, and if I got pregnant now, I would be 35 when I delivered. After my son was diagnosed around the age of three, and after many other traumas, I developed horrendous anxiety that almost caused me to take my life. It's been a rough 9 years, but over the past two years, I have made major strides in my anxiety. I am not 100% cured, but it's a miracle how far I have come. My main issues with anxiety now are that I don't drive, and that I don't like to be at home by myself. So, how could I take care of the baby without hiring a nanny that I couldn't afford?

The problem is that I feel my biological clock ticking. I know that perhaps I could be older and have a baby, but I personally don't want to be much older. I just have this ache for another child. It's not to fill an emptiness inside of me or to make me feel complete, but there is an empty spot in my heart for another child. However, I was fertile last week in my cycle, and I got panicky when I thought of even trying to conceive.

There's just so many unknowns. I had a pretty healthy pregnancy with my son. I did get gestational diabetes that was controlled by diet at the young age of 23 and weighing only 103 lbs. when I got pregnant! My labor was tough because I was afraid to have an epidural! I really want to know that I would choose the epidural if it were now because that was traumatic. My son was born after 15 hours of labor weighing 8 lbs and 9 oz's. There was a little irregular heartbeat with him at first, and I got a fever at the end of my labor.

Anyway, after his birth, I just started having more panic attacks when I was alone with him. I ended up with a horrible anxiety over his well-being, and in my situation, it ended up being true that something was wrong with him.

I don't even know what I'm asking:(. I'm just saying that after what I've been through, I'm not less anxious than before. I'm not 100% yet, but my husband thinks that getting pregnant and having another baby would actually help me feel better, but I'm not sure. There are stories about families with one children with autism who have another that doesn't have autism, and it gives them a fresh and new start.

So, do i just go for it, and trust that you will all be here to talk to me everyday when I am anxious?:) I have the program, I've used it, and it does help so that's a given. I have a therapist. I've talked to my obgyn in the past about it, and I'm due for my yearly, and I want to tell him that I will be a nervous wreck. Meds are out of the question for me because of the side effects for me. I'm just one of those overly sensitive to side effects people:(.

Any advice? I know that during the pregnancy with my son so long ago I felt a little anxious at first with an occassional and minor panic attack. I felt better during the second trimester, and in the third trimester, I thought that I was cured of panic attacks, and wondered how I ever fretted over them:). If that happens again, that would be great! I also want to add that I have prayed about this over the years, and from what I know about my relationship with God, He has given me signs to have another child. It was easier to trust Him with the signs he gave me to get my dog though:).

Take care,
luvpiggy

Hi all,

I just wanted to be clear that I wasn't asking if I should have another child because another child could have autism eventhough I didn't do a good job of clarifying and said I didn't know what I was asking:). In my mind, I will regret never trying one more time, and it would be something I regretted at the end of my life. I think that it is worth the risk, and I could definitely understand why someone who read my post would be reluctant to give advice about that issue.

It's my anxiety that I would like help with. I guess I'm saying that I know I'm not one hundred percent. Should I wait until I'm completely healed of anxiety before trying? I guess I thought that maybe some of you would have an opinion about that, but I didn't make that clear. Sorry. I just wanted to talk about it with others who have anxiety and aren't 100%, but get pregnant anyway.

Take care,
luvpiggy

luvpiggy,
have you ever thought about adopting a child ?
there are many out there that need a home and I thought that I would ask you that.we wanted to aodpt but since we are too old we can not.after 60 I think they will not let you.take care and have a blessed day.I wrote you a pvt message.God Bless
don

I may have missed it in your long dialogue, but have you gone to counciling to help you cope with your son's autisim? Have you got council on why you obsess having one more child and yet afraid to try? I think you have many undefined problems and that maybe you are not dealing with them. Are you getting help caring for this child? You sound very over worked and exhausted, which children with difficulties can create, since they are such high maintenance people. I would get counciling then make a decision based on yourself and your husbands real wants in this matter.

Hi there!
I've read many of your posts. And I think you'd be a good mom to another child. But I can not offer advice. Because I just don't know. I think about it - but because I had lots of anxiety when my children came along and depression also, well, I failed a lot with them.
I loved them so much and still do. (they are middle aged now). But I did fail to make a 'safe place' for them.
This kind of haunts me if I let it.

I'm inclined to believe that you would do very well with having another child because you have the program.
Nothing like that was available when I was a young mom. Or at least I didn't know of anything. I certainly didn't know to seek professional help.
But with all the help available to you, I wouldn't be too afraid for you.
Any way, I just wish you the very best.
You are doing a terrific job with your son.

God bless. Continue to pray about it.
MJ

Thanks Cornflower and D for your advice:). I posted this yesterday at the end of my day, and I knew it wasn't necessarily a great topic for the anxiety website. I know the autism situation is a completely different ball of wax. I go on the autism message board to deal with the topic of whether or not to even try when I already have a child with autism. Other parents of children with autism completely understand my "obsession" but being afraid to try because they go through the exact thing. It's a common discussion for a lot of parents over there, and it's not viewed as abnormal in anyway. Last summer, a couple we knew had a son born with a fatal form of dwarfism. The mother has a website where she talks about her obsessive desire to have another child, but is afraid, and doesn't know if or when to even try again. Anyway, I wanted support with my anxiety over the pregnancy etc., and I figured that maybe some of you would have advice. I wish I would have been more clear, and again I apologize.

Maude AS, at first I had typed a response to you trying to explain some things, but I just think that this is a situation that not everyone can understand unless they are in it. I should have used more caution with this topic. I'm sorry that you think I have some "undefined" issues that I'm not facing, that it's completely abnormal to have an "obsessive" desire to have another child but be afraid because your first child has an incurable brain disorder, and that my husband and I don't have "real" desires regarding having another child. I'm not exactly sure what you meant, but I am going to say that I appreciate you responding to my post and offering advice on a tough topic. If I didn't have a counselor, of course that would have been great advice. I do have a great counselor that I have definitely talked with about the issue and my son's severe autism. I couldn't make it through this without that type of support. That's why I repeated the clarification that I wasn't asking whether or not I should have another child because my son has autism. I clarified that my anxiety wasn't 100% cured, and I wanted to know opinions about that. I also want to assure you that I have been in intensive therapy for many years along with this program, a pretty good exercise regimen, more self-help books than I can stomach, EMDR for severe trauma, prayer, etc. I have no psychotic disorders or other mental disorders that are being missed by mental health professionals. I don't pretend to have it all figured out. I'm sorry you don't know me and how far I've come in my healing. I haven't had a panic attack in a very long time. I used to depersonalize all of the time, and I haven't done that in a long time either. My husband, my therapist, and friends are just thrilled for me:)! I was hoping that I was one of many who could tesitify that this program is a great tool for healing:). I am not 100%, and I don't know if I will ever be because of the stressful nature of autism in one's life and that's why I have the delimma, but I'm sorry you think that I have all of these issues that I'm not dealing with. If I haven't faced my issues with all of this hard work, money, therapy, this program, reading, etc., then I'm concerned what it actually takes for someone to actually face their issues:).

Take care,
luvpiggy

Also Maude As, in rereading what you wrote, I probably just interpreted what you said the wrong way. I am sick today, and I shouldn't be responding to things I don't understand in a defensive way. Thank you for your suggestion about counseling, and I'm sorry I took your advice the wrong way:).

Take care,
luvpiggy