Stress Center Peer Support

I'm a bit confused about my anxiety. It seems to be based around a fear of being out and about alone with my children and something happening to me. I could go out all alone or with a friend for hours on end and be fine - even if I don't feel perfect.

I actually do have some underlying causes for some of my physical symptoms, but I am sure anxiety exacerbates them. It's been since the summer this has been going on and it started with a genuine illness. before that, I took the boys anywhere I needed to go. But now its been so long its really hard to seperate out the real issues - such as migraine headache aura, and perimenopausal symptoms, from actual anxiety symptoms.
The symptoms are always more noticeable when its just me and the boys- even if we are at home. But the fog that can settle over me when a migraine is coming - which I believe then leads to an anxiety attack - is scary - especially if I am out and about alone with them.

it happened at Walmart a couple of weeks ago. I had to get a birthday gift for my niece so I made a list and mustered up the guts to go. I had a headache coming, but I went anyway. Shortly after I got to Walmart I just started feeling awful - then started thinking "what if I pass out in this store" - then I went into my fog zone and I'm not quite sure what might have happened if my three year old son hadn't yelled "Mommy!" and pulled me from the depths of wherever I was (and that is just what it felt like too). Then I went around a corner and saw my sister in law and I felt like I had been saved even though I mentioned nothing about it to her. I finished my shopping even though I didn't feel greaty. Spent another hour in the store. The headache came - and I did survive. So did my boys

But what was that. Was it full fledged anxiety - or migraine aura ( I have had similar things happen before - but usually at home - once there were even blue floaty spots on the carpet)? Or was it a combination of the two.

My personal bellief is that I feel lousy - and then the anxiety comes. I believe this because
I was fine one summer day. Mowing the lawn with my son on my lap- running a garage sale, and other stuff and the next day I woke up incredibly ill. Bits and pieces of the illness have remained for months. A similar thing happened to me ten years ago and that illness had no explanation either. The anxiety started creeping in as a result of not wanting to take the kids anwhere while I was feeling so crummy. then I did have a traumatic event where I left the YMCA in an ambulance after trying to just "get over it" and get better. Someone else had to come take my kids home- so my worst fears came true.

So I am scarred and still not 100 percent feeling well. I have had the chronic migraines for years and they have gotten progressively worse as I get older. sometimes the aura starts coming two days before the headache, so it does make it hard to take my kids anywhere, but I hate holding them back and keeping them in all the time.

Can anyone help sort out this mess? Can it all be anxiety? Or if not, if I truly feel lousy - how do I feel confident about taking my kids out? I will have to do it sooner or later the kids will have school ands sports and stuff. I know I have rambled but that's because (like most everyoner else) I feel like I have the most complex issue going. Please help.

With my kids when they were younger, I tried to get into the moment with them, my favorite was to take them to a park, or for a walk and enjoy their sense of discovery as they discovered for the first time the simplist of things, like a pretty rock, or a stick, I just reminded myself that to them everything is new and the thrill of when they show you something new they have discovered you can be sure that to them you are the most wonderful person in the universe and they are having the best time of their life. I thought about the kids and it was the easiest way to forget my anxiety.

JaL,
Thanks. I do some of that, which is a start because last summer and fall, I had all I could do to do that. I take them out in the yard anyway. I know I can do this, I have never let fear get the better of me like it has since I've been a Mom.

I'm still not convinced though that all of my physical symptoms are psychosomatic. Like I say, one day I was fine - the next a physical mess- and soon to follow an emotional mess.

Well, anyway, I am working at the program - still on week two after several weeks, so my progress is slow- but I am doing it.
Thanks again for your feedback.

Amazing....
I also had notice for a period of time that the anxiety/panic would always arise when I was alone with my girls. I would race to the blood pressure monitor to see my heart rate fearing it might go to fast and I would pass out or something....then I realized that these challenges were happening whether I was alone with my girls or not!!!! I would beg my husband not to go bowling when at first I loved for him to be gone so I could have the Big Screen. I am beginning session 4 supposably today...But now I found when I take my eyes off the panic/anxiety into something more empowering like the word of God......even a tiny little project for me....I realize the panic has passed...so has the cloudy spacey feeling, all symptons have quieted......because I no longer gave it my power. It is hard at times to take our focus off the symptons but when we do it really passes fast and appear less frequent!

2timemom,
Ive had migranes since i was a child.I also get the aura, which in a way is a good thing, because you have about 30 to 40 minutes before the headache hits. And you know its coming.
When i was 10 or 11yrs old, i can remember i hated having them so much, i took and asprirn everyday hoping to prevent them, which didnt work... Back then they didnt have the medicines they do today to prevent them.
You might talk to your doctor about this, and yes they do make you feel weird, and foggy, and even your taste can change during the aura.
Please talk to your doctor,, if one med doesnt work, they have others that will. Each person is different, so it may take a couple of tries..
Best of luck,, Nelly:)

Mom,
This sounds like it may be a hormone issue. I would check with my m.d. if I were you. I am 39 years old and on a very low dose of estrogen. It seems to help with the body symptoms. I would definately check this out further.

Nelly,

I also have had headaches since I was young, they have progressed into migraines over the years. Each time I found something new that worked my body would become "immune" to it. the aura would be a good thing if it were only 30-40 minutes prior, but I sometimes have feelings of a headache coming two days prior. My dr. seems to think I have some kind of chronic ongoing migraine aura. I am on Depakote to prevent them but it sppears to be useless!

Jugray, I agree with the hormone issue thing. That is what I believe it is. My female cycle has been as short as 21 days and as long as 39 in the past few months (that was scary). i do believe there is some kind of hormone imbalance, but don't know how to go about finding out. Plan on a dr. visit in the next week or two. Both my regular dr. and my ob/gyn had suggested BC pills to put the hormones back in line - but I am wondering if we shouldn't know exactly what the hormone issue is first?

Anyway, although I have definitely always had a lot of traits of an anxious person - the actual anxiety attacks are a relatively new thing to me originally triggered by fear of something going wrong in my second pregnancy, and retriggered by the illness that started this summer.

Thanks everyone for the input - still open to ideas!