Help W/14 yr old w/ODD

thebetz · Post by **thebetz** » Thu Sep 13, 2007 6:55 am

This child now has 2 convitions of shoplifting.
I also have marital issues...Domestic v.
Child Is absolutely defiant...absolutely...no control...he's 6'1 14 and I'm 5'3" 100 lbs...on a good day............He may go to Juv. Hall...But waitng dates. I have sent child o several programs..to no avail...any ideas?
Betz

Mello Nello · Post by **Mello Nello** » Thu Sep 13, 2007 7:28 am

thebetz
I would suggest some counseling for him, and maybe the whole family. Im sorry you have domestic abuse in your home, thats rough.
But, when kids live in an enviroment like that, they act on what they see. Im sure you cant handle him alone, but he needs to be in a stable home. Maybe a relative could take him for awhile and see how he does. If that doesnt work, there are youth homes, with strict rules for kids with these problems. You and your son will be in my prayers.. Nelly:)

CarolynEd.Dir. · Post by **CarolynEd.Dir.** » Mon Sep 17, 2007 5:57 am

Betz,

What a heart ache for you And him. He is acting something out...? I am sure you've had him tested, counseled - etc. Have you contacted children's social services? there are programs for uncontrolable youngsters... What a difficult decision for you...but in the end...focus on Saving this child from himself.

Prayers, Caroyn

Mag1207 · Post by **Mag1207** » Tue Jan 22, 2008 3:39 am

I have a 16 y/o who is doing much better. We went through domestic abuse with my ex-husband until he was 7. As a pre-teen he began to talk back, be defiant, and I would chase him all over town to find him to bring him home. He would take things from stores without being caught but I found out when he came home. THis happened a couple of times. We talk about school, drugs, peer pressure. Yes, sometimes the conversations were good but during his hard time I thought he was going to go to juvenile. I explained the choices he made would affect him and be in the same place as his father. No one else can erase his past and he needed to be careful who he associated with and what he did. I asked him if he'd rather be remembered as some punk kid as a follower or lead himself to a promising life. I confided in good friends and he started going over their houses to help with chores, or stay the weekend. My idea was connecting him to positive male role models and their families. This seemed to work. My son started inviting his friends from single home families to our place and we would do stuff. Movies, hang out at the park, go to the mall. etc. Little things as I do not have a lot of money to splurge on everything. He went camping with my friends and we went on outings as well. He finally saw how important it was for him to be in line not only for himself but his siblings. My youngest son looks up to him. It's never too late. He flunked twice but we are working on catching up and just joined football this year. My son also has anxiety, he had his first panic attack at that same time and that led us into a long conversation about his feelings and what he wants for himself. Many times I feel children with anxiety deal with their problems in a negative fashion with drugs, alcohol or bad influences and unfortunately get caught up in the whirlwind of the justice system or even drug abuse. I know by saying BE Patient and be there for him may sound cliche but it helped out on our end. Hug him, tell him you love him, take him to a movie, ask him to help you on a house project. Talk, talk even when he doesn't want to hear you but don't take lip, my son understands he cannot disrespect me. In the past i've taken away games, priveleges etc. to no avail. But in the past, when he tried to cuss at me, my first reaction was to slap him and let him know not to go there. I reminded him I have not disrespected him and therefore it should not go on with me. Trust me, he knows what happens when he crosses that line, which he never crossed again after that incident. Be careful with social services as sometimes they become too involved and you end up being told what to do rather than take into account you are the parent. Many parents are so strung out on stress that they basically hand over their troubled child and when they want to intervene it is too late. Best of luck for you both.