Postpartum anxiety, depression

Luli · Post by **Luli** » Sun Jan 04, 2009 2:27 pm

Hello to all!
Well, I am here to share a little about my story....
I always had a dream to have a baby! I became pregnant and I was so happy! It was the most beautiful, excitement thing of my life!!!! On my 4th month of pregnancy I got anxiety really bad...never had anxiety before in my life, it was so scary...I had the obssessive thoughts and they were so scary. I went to the hospital right away and my ob put me on celexa. I got better but my worst fear would be anxious when my baby would arrive because being anxious I could not take care of him properly.

Well, I gave birth to the most beautiful little boy. He is amazing and he is cuter everyday. He is a good baby, doesnt even cry that much. I was doing ok until some weeks ago. Its been two months since I had my bundle of joy and one day I started thinking that I really had a baby and that I never would love him or get used to have a baby at home....Oh my Gosh I got so so so scared and started being anxious around him. I was scared of my baby, I could not even take care of him (even thou I did). My worst fear came true. I was scared of my baby. It is very sad because my little boy is my dream that came true and why am I feeling like this???? I never expected to get postpartum anxiety. I knew for sure I was going to be the happiest mother in the world. I love my baby so much and I want all this feelings to go away. I still on my meds and therapies and I will do anything possible to get better. I would never hurt my baby or myself but living this way is horrible.
I would like some encouragement words that everything will be ok.
I am scared I will be like this forever and never had that true connection with my lovely baby.
Thank you all so much for reading this.

BookOfPsalms · Post by **BookOfPsalms** » Sun Jan 04, 2009 2:46 pm

Hi there-
I can relate somewhat. I had a few anxious feelings while carrying my son 4 years ago and I worried that I would be very anxious and have panic attacks carrying him but thank God I didn't. After I had him I was so happy, and so blessed to have him, but then I started to experience the panic attacks and anxiety again, and had to get back on medication for anxiety/depression. I have been on the meds since, but I just felt so alone when I got home with him-although my husband was very supportive and very helpful with the late night baby cries etc. I had help from my parents and all but I just felt empty inside. I felt like I was so sad but yet had nothing to be sad about. I had this healthy 8lb 13oz 21(1/2) inch baby that was the cutest thing! I just don't understand anxiety...and I don't think I ever will! I wanted to encourage you to let you know that you will find peace soon, because I did. Those emotions are all happy, and it's new...not sure if this is your first child or not, but I am sure that you are so excited that you don't know what to do with yourself! I pray that you feel better real soon!
Your Friend-
ME

JShine · Post by **JShine** » Sun Jan 04, 2009 4:28 pm

Hey Luli, I just want you to know that you WILL get through this. I'm not going to lie...it's a rough road for most, but you will get there. I've been through it twice now & as difficult as it was, it's all worth it when those feelings start to go away and you can truly look down at that precious baby and feel nothing but pure love. Give yourself time, don't blame yourself, just take things one moment at a time & work hard to deal with your emotions and all the while show your baby the love that you know you have inside, you just can't really be present in it yet. It will go away.

Hugs.

daniellewa · Post by **daniellewa** » Sun Jan 04, 2009 6:21 pm

I am 30 weeks pregnant and have been suffering for about four weeks with horrible anxiety and depression! I have had this in the past and was on meds about four years ago but I had two babies medicine free and know with my third I am in stress overload. I feel like I am not a good mother when I feel like this and I cannot sleep. I have some days when I feel like myself but two days later I spiral down again. I dont want to be on meds so I am trying this program. I have to say I was feeling very good a few days ago. Until last night the horrible fear and nervousness came back witch caused me to not sleep. SO that made the anxiety worse today and know it is 1:30 AM and I cannot sleep again. It has really taken its toll on me. I feel scared and racing thought very negative that I will not be able to care for my kids and know this new baby! I just keep saying I want to be myself again. Can anyone please give me some reassurance that I will one day fell like myself
Thank you

Valeria83 · Post by **Valeria83** » Sun Jan 04, 2009 6:29 pm

Hi Luli, I really understand how you are feeling because your story and mine are so similar. I am going to try to tell you part of what I have been through for the last 7 months.
well, first of all I have a wonderful baby boy, who is turning one year old this 01-11-09. Before becoming pregnant we had been trying for a year and two months, so we really wanted a baby, and we were so happy when he finally came.
But when he was 5 months old, I did know what was wrong with me, every thing was ok, as far as I knew, baby was healthy, my husband was fine, but I started feeling very tired I wasn't sleeping well, some days I felt dizzy, I had headaches, and a big one I stop working when my baby was born so that was HUGE change in my life, but at that time I didnt know that all these symtoms were anxiety, so I started worrying a lot, every day I would ask: what is wrong with me? why do I feel this way?, do I have a brain tumor, what if I die, who is going to take care of my baby? And then one day I got so anxious that I had a panic attack, so ugly that my husband called the ambulance because I thought I was having a heart attack.
I just remember one of the paramedics saying: ho, is just a panic attack, i have those and the only thing that you can do is try to relax, and it all pass! Well to me it was the first one ever in my life and what he told me stayed in my mind every day, every minute, that I got so scared of having another one. I got so depressed, i lost interest in the things that I just to enjoyed, I would clean the house, and the worst of all was that I felt so detached from my baby, and that made me feel so guilty, I lost my appetite and since that day I felt Like I became another person, I have this spacey feeling, dream like feeling, it is so scary. I went to the doctor after this happened and he prescribed zoloft but I was scared to take it, plus I was breastfeeding. But when my baby was 9 months I started taking it but my anxiety got worst, so the put me on lexapro and thats what I'm still on. All this time I've been thinking that is is postpartum depression, but I'm going to this psychologist and she says that is too late for that, even if it all started when my baby was 5 months old, she says that is just anxiety and depression, but something deep inside me tells me that it is ppd. Lately I feel more attached to my lovely baby, but the anxiety is what kills me I even think that I'm losing my mind.
Sorry for making this too long, but I just want you to know that you are not alone, and you're not the only one, we are going to get better, we have to have fait, and believe in our selfs. I really hope this ends soon for the two of us.
Hugs! Valeria.

nordskoven · Post by **nordskoven** » Sun Jan 04, 2009 9:28 pm

Post Partum Depression is not a psychological disorder, it is a physiological disorder that has "psych" symptoms, see? Consider the cortico-steroid link. You were likely given anesthetics during delivery. This can really mess with women's adrenal system, inducing adrenal collapse. You might consider asking your doctor on the feasibility of taking an adrenal supplement, the over-the-counter hormone DHEA in the KETO-7 form which does not form other hormones. If you feel more at peace within twenty minutes of taking this, you have self-diagnosed adrenal collapse. Take only as needed to avoid having the adrenals downregulate the production of DHEA.

You may have delivered with the use of antibiotics. This can induce Candida/yeast overgrowth in the intestinal tract. This can cause psychoses as Candida steals/binds magnesium, the relaxer mineral. Candida also produces its own estrogen, leading to a kind of PMS situation. Candida also makes the highly toxic acetaldehyde, which can only be neutralized by taking Pantethine, the metabolized form of Pantothenic acid, B-5; this last will also lower cholesterol so don't take too much as cholesterol is needed to provide hormone creation. Low cholesterol can lead to depression. Take Caprylic acid, a very mild antifungal available at health food stores, if you suspect Candida overgrowth. High Candida can interfere with sleep.

Diagnose Candida by taking a glass of water, putting it at your bedside, and spitting in it upon arising first thing. If your sputum is stringy or cloudy, you probably have systemic Candida. Take the Caprylic acid long-term to keep Candida levels down as it is too hard to eradicate outright. Blessings!

joshismama · Post by **joshismama** » Mon Jan 05, 2009 12:53 am

Valeria,
YOUR NOT LOSING YOUR MIND! You will be ok. I have had this simce 14 and had a couple bad times with it had to be put on medication twice. This program will make you stronger.I am currently on week 2 and already feel somewhat stronger. I know we will all come through this.I have had a couple bad days but some of the new tools have made it a little better. This is a hard and bumpy road but I pray for the day we can look back and laugh at some of the ridiculous thoughts we had
-Danielle

Nole · Post by **Nole** » Mon Jan 05, 2009 3:48 am

I started having anxiety 7 months into pregnancy and then it went away and didnt return until my son was 2. I started having irrational and scary thoughts about my son getting hurt, me hurting him by accident, I worried about everything related to him. I read that PPD and PP anxiety can hit up to a few years after giving birth, in my case I think that was true. I also developed really bad PMS after having my son, so my hormones were totally out of wack I think and lead to the anxiety eventually. Now I take 10mg of Lexapro and I feel fine. So you are not alone, you are not crazy, your chemicals in your brain are out of whack and the meds will help eventually, give it time.

Valeria83 · Post by **Valeria83** » Thu Jan 08, 2009 12:34 pm

Nole, I've been on lexapro for 3 months but sometimes I still feel depressed and with anxiety, I have these spacey feelings and I feel strange and confused, I am thinking about changing meds. Since you are on Lexapro I would like to ask you how long did it take you to work? do you recommed me to stay on it?

Nole · Post by **Nole** » Wed Jan 14, 2009 1:17 pm

The anxiety stopped rather quickly, like within the month. But I did have some break through anxiety at 3 months too, but it was very short lived and went away quickly. I still will briefly get a feeling of anxiety but it never lasts. I would say by the 4th month I was feeling the total benefits of the med. I will say that if I am sick, getting sick, hormonal, eat too much sugary food, and have caffiene the anxious feeling will try and creep back, those are triggers for me, but they never last, its like the Lex takes over and makes it go away or I have better control to stop it because of the Lex. But overall it works really well for me. Perhaps you need a higher dose?? What dose do you take now?? I would discuss this with your doc.