Stress Center Peer Support

This week seemed to be a good week for the first time in over a year. I did not need my anxiety medicine, or at least most of the dosage I have been given to take. Yesterday morning, my 15 year old son came into the bedroom and told me that he did not feel good and that he felt like he would pass out in gym class if he went. I do know that one of the meds that his psychiatrist was experimenting with for him was the problem, so this was stopped, but I have been trying to get him and his brother to decrease their caffeine and sugar intake that went overboard over the summer break. The night before, I took my youngest son into prompt care for a sore throat and was put on antibiotics and then jeff came home sick yesterday. I was surprised that I did not have a full blown anxiety for that whole day. I did have the "knee on the chest", feeling most of the day, but I did not cry and have to leave school.
It is now Saturday, and one of the worst day's of the week (along with sunday) because I am home without structure and the most worrisome of days of freaking out in front of the boys.
Writing this makes me cry because I have been doing well and now it is Saturday and I feel very alone with no structure. I need to do my school work (I am finishing my B.A.)but am scared about being in the house.
I talked to my son today and he still complained that it hurt to breath and then a couple of hours later, I asked him how he felt. He said he felt better. I was honest with him. I said you probably had a little anxiety and since you are cutting down on the caffeine, your body is adjusting. My next big task is going to church in the morning and I feel like I am going to cry again and have to leave. I feel like something is just going to bust out of me when I am there. We are new to church, it has been about 10 years since we have gone to church.
My school has been great about my problem. Since I have ADHD, they have made special appropriations when it comes to tests and assignments.
Right now, I am waiting for 4:00 pm so I can get out of the house and go to my son's football game and diverting my attention to that event. I am scared and feel powerless right now and have no reason for feeling like this. My toes are curling under and my legs are tightening up. I am listening to Session 3 right now while writing this. I really want to cry hard. I know I am doing this to myself, but I think the guilt of my son's episode had added a new avenue to my anxiety....I have passed on a bad thing to my son and that hurts my sole. He is my baby and want to protect him, but I feel like I am hurting him with my problem.

i think that you are doing a wonderful job with the things that has happened to you and your children. you have been strong and have listened to the lessions as you write.do not let this get to you about going to church tommorrow. and let me say this as a man it is ok to cry. why would you feel like you would have to leave if you cried.at our church its ok to do that.the songs that are sung and the presence of God that is felt makes some do that and its not sad tears but happy ones.know that others have adhd and know what you are going through.my son has it and my daughter had it but now doesn't.the doctor said that since we were left handed it makes it worse sometimes.know that you will get through this and good luck on geting your degree.know that you and your family are in our thoughts and prayers and God Bless.let me know how you are doing and if you get a chance please read my profile.it will fill you in on where i came from and where i am now.be blessed.
don

This is the first time that I access this website, and i am in tears with your story because I didn't know that someone else could experience the exact same feelings of anxiety and just life as me. What you said about "knee on the chest", i describe as an "elephant on my chest". I should also be studying for a test tomorrow (I am also working towards my B.A)- you see i lost my job a few months ago because i couldn't make it to work. I found it hard to get out of my car, i would experience severe panic attacks. I live with anxiety and guilt that my children have to see me like this. It almost makes me angry with myself that i can't kick these symptoms to the curb and out of our lives, because it really affects the whole family. I feel powerless and sometimes for no reason even on what i call my "good days". My legs get heavy almost crippling, i tighten up, i cant breathe, then it happens.. i have a pain behind my ears and slowly i lose my hearing.. once that is happening i have quickly lie down and at this point it doesn't matter where i am. I black out, this year was the first time i experienced them this severe, i am making baby steps when it comes to leaving my home. Don't hurt yourself thinking that you are hurting others with you problem, just take a breathe tell yourself that you will overcome this fear, and you will function anxiety and panic free. We can not let this control our lives! We deserve to be happy and live without fear, even though we feel powerless, helpless, hopeless, scared, we have to tell ourselves our mind that we have more positive feelings than negative and believe in them. Everything that you have said i have felt, i know there's hope and i know that we can overcome.