New Member, Flat, Numb

Mickeysmom · Post by **Mickeysmom** » Wed Apr 09, 2008 5:41 am

Hi,

I am new to the forum, but not new to the program. I have had anxiety literally my whole life, I remember having anxiety attacks as young as nine years old. I was diagnosed with OCD at 16 and did really well with CBT. AS a matter of fact, I can say that with the Cognitive Behavioral Therapy I was 95% better. In 2006 I had my first Daughter , who is the love of my life. I had no post partum and bounced back very quickly. Anyhow, I tenmd to think I'm superwoman, lol and went back to work 9 weeks after she was born, taking care of a newborn, my Husband, house and I guess trying to be perfect at everything. To make a long story short...I took a very stressful job about 4 months ago, telecommute two days a week where I am playing with my Daughter all day as I'm on the phone with clients, etc...spend the other three days in the office...blah, blah, blah. I have NEVER had depression and am not sure if that is what this is or not, but I feel VERY flat, numb, like I can't think and like everything has slowed down. It ois scaring the crap out of me, I'm just waiting to have a breakdown and be sitting in the corner staring. I resigned from my job, my last day is next Wedneday. I'm am goingto take some time off take a few classes and spend time with my Daughter. I am worrying that I'm bipolar, or sriously am going to have a breakdown?? I'd rather have the anxiety then feel like this. I kept telling everyone I needed a break, and received very little help from anybody. Could it be exhaustion? I do drink three-four light beers at night after my Daughter goes to sleep to relax at the end of the day. I feel like my life is a marathon and I am just being dragged along for the ride?

Thank you for any advice you can give

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Apr 09, 2008 6:21 am

Hello, I am not sure if what I have to say will help you at all, but I do know what you mean. What you are going through sounds similar to what I did when I hd my 2nd child. Although I did not go back to work away, I was taking care of my husband, and the house and my oldest boy. I remeber feeling like whatever I thought didn't matter. I was just there to clean, cook and feed. I was no longer excited about anything and it took all I could do to get dressed in the morning. It really began to take control of me and before I knew I it I was just like a lump. I quit making even the simplest decisions, like what restaurant did I want to go to when my husband would take me out to dinner. Finally (about a year after it all started) I went to the Doctor and he said I had depression and anxeity. He perscribed Lexapro, helped the anexity but not so much the depression. One thing that the Dr. told me would help is that if at possible set aside time at least once a week for just you and your husband,find something that you both enjoy to do and do it, then try to find something each week that you can look forward to, like the classes that you were talking about. I find that actually what makes me feel the best is I get my kids together and we play a game, or read a book, or color, build towers, ya know stuff that is wasy for even the youngest one to do. I know life is like a marathon but winning the marathon will be best thing ever.

Take Care

Cathy Ann · Post by **Cathy Ann** » Wed Apr 09, 2008 6:30 am

Hi Rchandler,

Thank you for the reply. I got really teary reading that, it hit a nerve because that is exactly how I feel. This is just the first time I ever felt this way and I hate to even admit it to anyone because there is no reason for me to feel like this. I have a wonderful, healthy little girl, a goos marriage, etc. I just have gotten sooo overwhelmed in the past few months, I can't even explain it. I LOVE your saying about winning the marathon though

Thanks for sharing with me, are you doing better now?

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Apr 09, 2008 6:41 am

I have good days and bad days, I guess just like anyone else. But yes I am doing much better than I was. And I believe that you are entitled to feel the way that we do, Most moms I know do feel that way. It is important though that you have someone to share your feelings with, it is very helpful to be able to share them with someone who has been through it. It is so easy to get overwhelmed sometimes, that is when I step back and think about my kids and maybe a card or a present that my oldest made in school ( he is almost 7) or the times that I was feeling down and all though I didn't think it showed, my youngest one (he is almost 3 now) comes up and he says "Mom, I need a hug and kiss" I love those moments and they seem to make me feel better. How old is your daughter now? Just keep the faith and know that it can only get better.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Apr 09, 2008 6:59 am

Awww, those type of moments are what gets me through too. My Daughter is going to be two in June. This is a great age, but very trying for the parent, lol. My Daughter is VERY spirited and strong willed...which, I love but it can wear you down. I say "Ok" alot, are you "OK", etc. She came up to me the other down when I hit my head and said...Mommy you Ok, OK? It was soo cute. She is just throwing alot of tantrums right now and I feel like all I do is say No. Also, I have a Brother that is much younger than me that came back from Iraq recently (within the past year) and was going through SEVERE PTSD. I've always kind of been his primary care giver too, so when he came back he was hospitalized and I was dealing with all of his affairs too. I guess I'm just really worn down. Most of it has nmothing to do with my Daughter, she actually gets me through the day. She is the best part of my day. It's just some days I wish I could run away, not be needed and do nothing. It's my fault I took too much on at once. Work, taking care of my brother, toddler stuff, etc. It will get better. I don't feel as flat when I talk to somebody about itr, I can cry at the drop of a dime anymore though. Oh my, do I babble or what, LOL. Thanks again.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Apr 09, 2008 7:09 am

Wow, it does sound like you need a day away. Anytime you feel down or want to just unload, or whatever, I am usually around, on the internet all day long at work. Take care, Maybe talk to you more soon

BookOfPsalms · Post by **BookOfPsalms** » Wed Apr 09, 2008 7:27 am

Thank You

, I really do appreciate it and it does help to have another Mom to talk to. My E-mail is holly427@verizon.net if you'd like to chat. I'm from PA, married, 33. Just thought I'd tell you a little about myself.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Apr 09, 2008 7:36 am

Awesome, I will definetly do that. I am married also, live in Missouri, have my whole life and I am 24.