Scary thoughts?
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Illinois75
- Posts: 1
- Joined: Thu Mar 26, 2009 4:45 pm
Hi...I am new to this forum. But I am about ready to give birth to a baby girl, and I can't stop w/ these crazy "what if" thoughts. Like what if I am a bad mom, and what if I lose my mind and lose control and hurt my baby? It terrifies me to the point where I just want to sob. I've had panic attacks on and off throughout my life, and find myself doing this 'what if' thing whenever I get stressed out. does this mean I have OCD?? I didn't think I did, as I just have this issue under certain circumstances. I've debated seeing a therapist / going on meds, but meds scare me and I don't like the idea of sharing these things w/ someone I do not know. This s/b a joyful time for me, yet I am so worried and sad and anxious. Any help or advice is appreciated!
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lets get better
- Posts: 1
- Joined: Wed Mar 25, 2009 7:33 pm
Illinois75
I don't know to much what to say other than you are not alone and that this program will help you through this. I and eveyone else here will be more than happy to help in any way possiable. Also rember they are just WHAT IF thoughts you can defenitley over come those with practice. Enjoy your pregnancy and that new baby as a gift from God. You are a WINNER
I don't know to much what to say other than you are not alone and that this program will help you through this. I and eveyone else here will be more than happy to help in any way possiable. Also rember they are just WHAT IF thoughts you can defenitley over come those with practice. Enjoy your pregnancy and that new baby as a gift from God. You are a WINNER
Nicole, I'm so sorry to hear about this, and I'm sorry that I didn't "check in" earlier..I just saw your post today. How is your daughter? Are you "new" hear? do you or her have the program? please let us know. Anxiety/depression CAN be overcome, you know? Really! This program has helped me tremendously(God brought me here) and with the combination of my faith in God and Lucindas program, I am NOT the same person I was just two short years ago. I still have "speed bumps", But I've gained new understanding on this horrible affliction and I've got the tools to combat it. God bless you. I will pray for your situation. I hope everyone is doing okay.
God bless you,
Robin
God bless you,
Robin
"O God, you are my God. Earnestly I seek you;my soul thirsts for you, my body longs for you, in a dry and weary land where there is no water. I have seen you in the sanctuary and beheld your power and your glory. Because your love is BETTER than life,my lips will glorify you. I will praise you as long as I live, and in your name, I will lift up my hands." Psalms 63
Hi all,
I want to bring some prospective to a lot of this negative THINKING AND THOUGHTS and I did had a reflective over the last couple of day. I am not telling you this because I am insensitive to anyones thoughts here. I would just like for each of us to reflect on this.
I am near 60 years old, I have been through a lot. I looked back at my tracks and saw at least 15 instances in my life where my life, that but for the grace of God, could have easily been snuffed out.
When I was 19 years old, I served in the USAF as a weapons specialist and was qualified to load any bomb, rocket, missile, or any munitions that you could think of, nuke or conventional, that could be loaded on a B-52.
During the war in Viet Nam, I was stationed on Anderson Air Force Base. There was an international incident where by North Korea shot down one of our planes, and the crew was killed. Our base and all of its resources were placed in a state of readiness to respond to this act of war against us.
My job was to outfit 2 B-52's to be ready to fly and deliver a devastating blow to the North Koreans, by dropping 2 plane loads of anti-personnel munitions. Keep in mind that these are probably the most dangerous bombs in our arsenal. They are dangerous, because it doesn't take much to set them off and create a chain reaction of explosions as each main holding container has 80 individual canisters with 80 each bomblets per canister, that will explode upon 14 psi of applied pressure on a trip wire that encircles the bomblet much like the seams on a baseball.
Each bomblet is loaded with somewhere between 60-100 beebees (scrapnel)that have at the bombs core a shaped fuse. When the we completed our job, and the planes were ready for take off, the mission was called off. Mind you that it takes 12 hours per plane to get ready for this task.
We worked all day and night with no rest to get that task accomplished. We were in barracks trying to get some sleep and were summoned back out to down load all the canisters from their larger main holding containers. After the these Main containers are downloaded from the planes; the canisters within, must be downloaded at a remote location. Why? In case there is an inadvertent explosion, no planes would be lost only the loading crews would be lost. Get the picture? This is no movie folks, this is real life threatening disasters in the making.
We were at the remote site in the process of downloading these cannisters. In spite of the lack of sleep we all suffered, we pushed on to get things done. The B-52's that we had previously converted, had to be put back into operation to drop bombs on Viet Nam. So push on we did.
There were only 2 crews that were qualified to do this work, our crew and the loading evaluation team. During the unloading procedure, the Senior Chief came in and barked out that he didn't understand what was taking us so long to get our job done.
Keep in mind that the mission to bomb North Korea had been scrapped and we were totally exhausted. That is not insensitivity, but just a callous disregard for our well being. Our team leader was intimidated by this Chief, and did not respond with the safety concerns that he should have voiced, instead, in spite of the danger, and hazards pushed everyone to frag out, that means damn the safety regs go full tilt.
He was the one that could not keep up and failed to secure one of these canisters that popped open, and the next you know, bomblets, were streaming out of that canister and falling onto the concrete deck, when I saw this bomlets were spreading directly in my and everyone else's path, as they were rolling on the ground, with one giant leap, I ran as if I had wings on my feet that carried me to safety.
The access door to this Hangar type concrete structure was about 100-120 feet away, and I swear it seemed like I was carried on eagles wings in a wink of an eye and out that doorway and didn't stop running till I was about 1/4 mile away.
You see about 2 weeks earlier, a crew of 8 men in Thailand was vaporized during a storage task on these very weapons. That is a much safer task that what we were doing. While I had my head to the task, I blocked out thoughts of what could happen, and did my job.
I don't know how it was possible, actually I do, for me to get out of that building in the manner I did. All I know, is that I was the only one that made out of there to notify EOD (Emergency Ordinance Disposal). As I reflected on that over the last day or 2, I know that I know that I know, that I was in God's hands and that He was the only one that could have pulled me out of there to then call the proper crews to rescue my team mates.
The rescue of my mates took several hours. The EOD team had to wear protective equipment as they picked these bomblets out of that building, 1 at a time, until a safe path out was cleared for my mates to get out safely.
The next day, I was back on the flight line loading 2 planes a night, as usual. Nobody, even gave thought to crisis counseling, nothing special done for us. Just suck it up and get back to work. So it is all relative. What was that you were scared of? Did you say thoughts? Don't worry! Be Happy! They are just thoughts!
Here's something that I want to share with all of you:
http://aie-llc.com/hisall.doc
http://www.thedashmovie.com/
Please pardon any errors in grammar or spelling. I am spent from recounting this event to do an edit.
I want to bring some prospective to a lot of this negative THINKING AND THOUGHTS and I did had a reflective over the last couple of day. I am not telling you this because I am insensitive to anyones thoughts here. I would just like for each of us to reflect on this.
I am near 60 years old, I have been through a lot. I looked back at my tracks and saw at least 15 instances in my life where my life, that but for the grace of God, could have easily been snuffed out.
When I was 19 years old, I served in the USAF as a weapons specialist and was qualified to load any bomb, rocket, missile, or any munitions that you could think of, nuke or conventional, that could be loaded on a B-52.
During the war in Viet Nam, I was stationed on Anderson Air Force Base. There was an international incident where by North Korea shot down one of our planes, and the crew was killed. Our base and all of its resources were placed in a state of readiness to respond to this act of war against us.
My job was to outfit 2 B-52's to be ready to fly and deliver a devastating blow to the North Koreans, by dropping 2 plane loads of anti-personnel munitions. Keep in mind that these are probably the most dangerous bombs in our arsenal. They are dangerous, because it doesn't take much to set them off and create a chain reaction of explosions as each main holding container has 80 individual canisters with 80 each bomblets per canister, that will explode upon 14 psi of applied pressure on a trip wire that encircles the bomblet much like the seams on a baseball.
Each bomblet is loaded with somewhere between 60-100 beebees (scrapnel)that have at the bombs core a shaped fuse. When the we completed our job, and the planes were ready for take off, the mission was called off. Mind you that it takes 12 hours per plane to get ready for this task.
We worked all day and night with no rest to get that task accomplished. We were in barracks trying to get some sleep and were summoned back out to down load all the canisters from their larger main holding containers. After the these Main containers are downloaded from the planes; the canisters within, must be downloaded at a remote location. Why? In case there is an inadvertent explosion, no planes would be lost only the loading crews would be lost. Get the picture? This is no movie folks, this is real life threatening disasters in the making.
We were at the remote site in the process of downloading these cannisters. In spite of the lack of sleep we all suffered, we pushed on to get things done. The B-52's that we had previously converted, had to be put back into operation to drop bombs on Viet Nam. So push on we did.
There were only 2 crews that were qualified to do this work, our crew and the loading evaluation team. During the unloading procedure, the Senior Chief came in and barked out that he didn't understand what was taking us so long to get our job done.
Keep in mind that the mission to bomb North Korea had been scrapped and we were totally exhausted. That is not insensitivity, but just a callous disregard for our well being. Our team leader was intimidated by this Chief, and did not respond with the safety concerns that he should have voiced, instead, in spite of the danger, and hazards pushed everyone to frag out, that means damn the safety regs go full tilt.
He was the one that could not keep up and failed to secure one of these canisters that popped open, and the next you know, bomblets, were streaming out of that canister and falling onto the concrete deck, when I saw this bomlets were spreading directly in my and everyone else's path, as they were rolling on the ground, with one giant leap, I ran as if I had wings on my feet that carried me to safety.
The access door to this Hangar type concrete structure was about 100-120 feet away, and I swear it seemed like I was carried on eagles wings in a wink of an eye and out that doorway and didn't stop running till I was about 1/4 mile away.
You see about 2 weeks earlier, a crew of 8 men in Thailand was vaporized during a storage task on these very weapons. That is a much safer task that what we were doing. While I had my head to the task, I blocked out thoughts of what could happen, and did my job.
I don't know how it was possible, actually I do, for me to get out of that building in the manner I did. All I know, is that I was the only one that made out of there to notify EOD (Emergency Ordinance Disposal). As I reflected on that over the last day or 2, I know that I know that I know, that I was in God's hands and that He was the only one that could have pulled me out of there to then call the proper crews to rescue my team mates.
The rescue of my mates took several hours. The EOD team had to wear protective equipment as they picked these bomblets out of that building, 1 at a time, until a safe path out was cleared for my mates to get out safely.
The next day, I was back on the flight line loading 2 planes a night, as usual. Nobody, even gave thought to crisis counseling, nothing special done for us. Just suck it up and get back to work. So it is all relative. What was that you were scared of? Did you say thoughts? Don't worry! Be Happy! They are just thoughts!
Here's something that I want to share with all of you:
http://aie-llc.com/hisall.doc
http://www.thedashmovie.com/
Please pardon any errors in grammar or spelling. I am spent from recounting this event to do an edit.
All for His praise, glory and the joy it gives Him.
Hugs, In His Love >:D<
Gman9259
"He who dwells in the secret place of the most
high shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty"
Hugs, In His Love >:D<
Gman9259
"He who dwells in the secret place of the most
high shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty"
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MindysHope
- Posts: 2
- Joined: Fri May 08, 2009 9:35 am
Oh my goodness! Iam so grateful for this program! I have had these same awful thoughts and have felt like the worse mom in the world!! I was telling my step mom about all the thoughts that I have had and all the things you hear on the news and about how there was a lady in my own home town who threw her two year old son off of one of the bridges. They had to keep her in the drunk tank at the jail because there were so many woman in there that wanted to get their hands on her!!! My step mom believes it's just a fear of how in the world can someone do this to their own children? Which is what I believe is going through my head and the thought of ever hurting my children physically makes me sick but the guilt for even imagining myself or someone else doing something so unforgivable to such an innocent little person kills me. Alot of the thoughts I had to were that I would find my older daughter dead when she was in the care of her father because also there was a girl in my state who was killed by her fathers friend and at the time my daughter had visitation with her dad he was a drug dealer and I had no idea until I went there one night and a creepy looking man came to get something from him, He told him to come back after we left and said it was his girlfriends drugs! I said it didn't matter and the thing is my daughter was suppose to be with him that night! I thank God that something came up that he couldn't take her and that God gave me a reason to stop there and see the truth of what was going on so I could do something about it! when I found out I was scared to death of what might happen so I got his visitation taken away. That's really when all these horrible thoughts started and they haven't left. I try to side track myself as well, but sometimes it just doesn't work. I would never hurt my kids I think my mind is trying to understand how does someone go from good to bad so fast and so dramatically? And could that ever happen to me? Praise God for opening my eyes to the fact that I am not alone! We will all make it through this!
The basis of my anxiety has been off and on boughts of scary thoughts. I started Lexapro 10mg a year ago and have not had any scary thoughts since then which leads me to beleive that this is truly a chemical imbalance. I am glad to have found something that works for me so well. I am now a non worry with no scary thoughts and a positive attitude and outlook on life. Its a great place to be 
Noelle
Today is the tomorrow we worried about yesterday. ~Author Unknown
Let us be of good cheer, remembering that the misfortunes hardest to bear are those which will never happen. ~James Russel Lowell
Today is the tomorrow we worried about yesterday. ~Author Unknown
Let us be of good cheer, remembering that the misfortunes hardest to bear are those which will never happen. ~James Russel Lowell
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ship2shore
- Posts: 12
- Joined: Mon Jun 02, 2008 4:25 pm
Gman, what an incredible post. I was hesitant to respond because I was overwhelmed by the story which -- by the way -- you told extremely well. I felt like I was there and can still feel the adrenaline rush I received. I hope that in the military of today, these incidents are given the "debrief" they deserve. If not, I hope military members find this website for assistance with emotional healing. You can probably tell that I am a vet with war stories of my own. It has been 18 years since I returned from Desert Storm with PTSD and I still am not ready to discuss those kinds of military experiences -- but I've had my share.
I also want to acknowledge that I suffered with horrible, obsessive, scary thoughts when I was carrying my little boy. Throughout my last trimester, I used to be constantly afraid that when the baby was born I was going to trip while carrying him from the nursery to the kitchen. If I tripped and fell while carrying him, I thought his head would hit the fireplace's brick hearth and he would be killed.
I had a very stressful pregnancy because my husband had lost his job and I was worried about health care and being able to support the newborn and my other child. I did not realize at the time that the financial stress had triggered the obsessive, scary thought. I survived through sheer will and now my boy is a happy, healthy pre-teen. I only wish I had known then what I know now! I would not have fretted over that thought until my son was able to walk on his own around 2 years old.
I also want to acknowledge that I suffered with horrible, obsessive, scary thoughts when I was carrying my little boy. Throughout my last trimester, I used to be constantly afraid that when the baby was born I was going to trip while carrying him from the nursery to the kitchen. If I tripped and fell while carrying him, I thought his head would hit the fireplace's brick hearth and he would be killed.
I had a very stressful pregnancy because my husband had lost his job and I was worried about health care and being able to support the newborn and my other child. I did not realize at the time that the financial stress had triggered the obsessive, scary thought. I survived through sheer will and now my boy is a happy, healthy pre-teen. I only wish I had known then what I know now! I would not have fretted over that thought until my son was able to walk on his own around 2 years old.
I'm not sure about any of you, but I have started journaling to see patterns in my obsessive thoughts. Once I started mapping the occurrences, I noticed the pattern. They increase when I am worried or under stress about something else in my life. I don't worry about what I need to, but instead obsess. It's almost like my mind tells me I don't want to deal with the problem, so focus on something else.
Also, I like the phrase, "an idle mind is the devil's playgound." It really fits with the OCD thoughts and my behavior. If I have some time on my hands, my mind can really do a job on me. And, if I'm tired I notice them coming on and tell myself to go to bed, don't watch tv and listen to the relaxation tapes.
Hope this helps.
Also, I like the phrase, "an idle mind is the devil's playgound." It really fits with the OCD thoughts and my behavior. If I have some time on my hands, my mind can really do a job on me. And, if I'm tired I notice them coming on and tell myself to go to bed, don't watch tv and listen to the relaxation tapes.
Hope this helps.
hey you all i two have had those thoughts and man how they scare me i have always been afraid to tell any one afaid they would take my kids away from me. And i could never in my life time harm my children let alone any thing else. I keep praying that one day soon the thoughts will diappear and never return so i can raise my children and take care of them. I know they are thoughts and that i will never act on them but they are scary and there are times i cant even look at my kids i am afraid i will hurt them. I am glad to know that i am not the only one out here in this world and that i am not alone. Aned hopefully one day soon they will disappear to where we all can keep on living our lives with our children and being happy, With a happily ever after
danielle taylor