panic Attacks

JSM · Post by **JSM** » Wed Feb 20, 2008 5:03 am

I am being woke up each morning with panic feelings. My son lives 175 miles away from me with his dad(my ex-husband) I have had trouble accepting the fact he does not live with me, now he is 13 and does not come to see me as much as he used to. These feelings are scary and upsetting me. I can't get over them. When I wake up it is the first thing on my mind, as a matter of fact the anxiety is what wakes me up. I need help accepting the fact that he may never come live with me.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Feb 20, 2008 5:13 am

I know how hard it must be on you. My son lives with his dad, but I get him every weekend after school until Sunday morning so it's a little easier on me than you. I struggle through the week though. I yearn for him to be here with me. We have to remember than 13 is a trying time for kids and a lot of things will change in the next few years. Don't give up on him coming to you. Keep the door open and let him know he's wanted. Meanwhile, call and write or email him every chance you get and build up that relationship the best you can despite the distance. I'll be thinking of you and praying for you. Beverly

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Feb 20, 2008 5:19 am

Thanks Beverly:

It just hurts so bad and I need to get rid of those feelings I get when it is the darkest, eeriest feeling right before the dawn. I wonder why that is?

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Feb 20, 2008 5:30 am

JSM - Don't try to push those feelings away. Trying to get rid of them is part of your pain. You are hurting right now and you need to nuture that part of yourself. Be kind to you and clearly allow yourself to feel as bad as you feel. The feelings will lift a lot sooner if you allow and accept. I'm not saying to dwell. I am saying there are things you can do to help yourself during this very difficut time. While you are feeling this way remember your tools. You do not have to dwell on any negative or hurtful or scary thoughts.

Use your STOP sign to stop any thoughts from gaining momentum.

Use your calm breath right away. Breathe in, hold to the count of 4, exhale slowly through pursed lips.

Take your attention on the feelings in your body instead of what your thoughts are saying. Whistle. Count backwards. Hold a doll. Sing. Hold a small ball. Touch a blanket. Notice yourself doing these things. Get into the habit of shifting your attention like this and it will get easier to do. Also, put in a relaxation tape and focus on its direction.

You can handle this. You will get through this. It isn't supposed to be easy and without pain. Just knowing you can handle it will really help you through. It will also help you to make decisions and to take positive actions that may be necessary in your growth.

Keep posting. Let us know how you are.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Feb 20, 2008 6:25 am

JSM, I feel for you!!! I know exactly what you're feeling

I have four older children from my first husband and my youngest (16) has been bounced around several times!(I've posted my most anxious moments on here if you'd like to check them out..I believe they were around Sept 07) I'm sure a big portion of my anxiety currently is a result of my son moving back with his father (1800 mi. away) and then moving back, but this time with his oldest brother, Not me! It WAS an ugly situation, however, THIS IS working for everyone involved...Please Let me explain.. My husband and son have a real hard time getting along..my ex seems to think that IF I force my son to live with me it will only cause more resentment..I'm beginning to "let go" and except the fact that it really is working. He is actually doing better acedemically and socially now that he is not living with me. I believe he was having anxieties too, trying to deal with all the chaos and change... That was/is alot to swallow. I had a real hard time excepting that. Sometimes I still do. But, I have to remember, that it was something HE wanted! He is in a great environment, he is a great person, and is not the kind of child to get into trouble, etc. Therefore, what is it really hurting??? The answer is, it's hurting ME, I feel like A failure, and I feel like I'm being torn between my husband and my child!? (this is the worry/guilty part of anxiety) The more time that goes by, the more I am able to except it. It's not been real easy for me, but I HAVE to remember, it's what he WANTED, (even if I think that he too young to know what he really NEEDS) AS you go about the lessons in this program, it will help you begin to understand that we cannot control everything. There are times that we truley need to let go and let God take care of things. I pray ALOT and I spend as much time with him as I can. We have lots of phone conversation and I remind him daily how much I love him and he does the same in return. Being a parent is TRULY the hardest job I've ever had, but in turn, the MOST rewarding!!! Take it day to day, Try not to think about the "what ifs" and the "shoulda, coulda, woulda's". Feel free to PM me if you have an questions, I'm more than happy to help you through this, heck, I may need your help too

Take care and God bless you
Robin

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Feb 20, 2008 7:06 am

I think it's worse right before dawn because you know you are facing another day alone/without him. That's a good time to pray for him and talk to God to open up a door for the two of you to be together. With God things, all things are possible. Unfortunately, it is in HIS time, not ours, and we don't understand why. Beverly

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Feb 20, 2008 7:39 am

I greatly appreciate all of you sharing your stories with me. I understand now that i am not the only person with this situation and these feelings. Thanks again God Bless. It doesn't bother me much during the day, but it wakes me up every morning, when I would get up and walk 3 miles( before it got cold) that really helped, but now i am not outside walking, I just drink a whole pot of coffee and dash to work, by then the sun is up and at least a feel a little bit better. God Bless all of you facing this, I know how it feels and I would not wish this one anyone, not even my worst enemy, if I had one