Any other stay at home moms ready to lose their mind!
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little ol' me
- Posts: 9
- Joined: Sun Dec 28, 2008 11:25 pm
Hi, I'm bipolar, a stay at home mom, AND I home school four kids ages 9,7,4,and 20 mos. Yah. Need I say more? Okay, here's more...I live 15 minutes from the closest store which is smaller than the main floor of my house and is located in a town with less than 1000 people in it. HELP ME!!!! I too, have anger issues. I'm a very dedicated, loving mother, but I go through phases where I feel like I just can't handle one more kid touching me, talking to me, asking me questions, needing a diaper change, or nose wiped, or FOOD, let alone trying to educate and nurture them. That's when I turn on the TV and escape to my room with the relaxation CD! I really hope this program helps me learn how to diffuse the anger. I have a tendency to snap and freak out at my kids and end up scaring them all half to death! We SO need to get out more. Once a week we meet with a ton of our HS friends (30 min drive) IF I'm not freaking out about trying to leave the house. I hate anxiety. Oh, did I mention that we're currently snowed in? LOL
I am also a SAHM with 4 boys 13,10,9,8. I remember feeling horrible anxiety about staying "alone" while my husband went to work. Some things that really helped were:
1. Eating well. Lay off the sugar and processed stuff.
2. Exercise daily. And yoga and pilates help you to cultivate a quiet mind.
3. Take a nap daily.
4. Be the parent, don't let the kids rule the roost.
We have followed a program called Growing Kids God's Way. I believe they have a web site if anyone is interested in learning more. Basically it's how to be the parent and not give out priviledges, etc. too quick so that the child is in charge. But still training the kid in morals and practical skills so that they can ultimately take care of themselves.
5. Go to bed fairly early, at the same time daily.
6. I live in MN and we have access to parenting classes thru the public school systems. Those classes are parent/child for small ages and parent only for school ages. It helps to vent or get ideas or to be able to do messy crafts where you don't have to clean up.
7. Do not expect perfection from yourself. Just because you stay home doesn't mean you are Martha Stewart (with her employees).
8. Stand up for yourself when you have a need that isn't being met.
Anyone who wants to chat about this or needs a shoulder to lean on, please feel free to contact me. I am still in the throes of it, but the future looks alot brighter when they get a bit bigger. (no diapers !!
)
Terri
1. Eating well. Lay off the sugar and processed stuff.
2. Exercise daily. And yoga and pilates help you to cultivate a quiet mind.
3. Take a nap daily.
4. Be the parent, don't let the kids rule the roost.
We have followed a program called Growing Kids God's Way. I believe they have a web site if anyone is interested in learning more. Basically it's how to be the parent and not give out priviledges, etc. too quick so that the child is in charge. But still training the kid in morals and practical skills so that they can ultimately take care of themselves.
5. Go to bed fairly early, at the same time daily.
6. I live in MN and we have access to parenting classes thru the public school systems. Those classes are parent/child for small ages and parent only for school ages. It helps to vent or get ideas or to be able to do messy crafts where you don't have to clean up.
7. Do not expect perfection from yourself. Just because you stay home doesn't mean you are Martha Stewart (with her employees).
8. Stand up for yourself when you have a need that isn't being met.
Anyone who wants to chat about this or needs a shoulder to lean on, please feel free to contact me. I am still in the throes of it, but the future looks alot brighter when they get a bit bigger. (no diapers !!
)Terri
Jami6
Good for you!! Everyone is fed and safe and loved. You are doing your job. Don't expect too much else. It gets SO much better when they can tie their shoes and put on their own underpants,etc. Hang in there. I've been there and I know you can do it. They love you no matter what-- they are not judging you. You are doing great.
Good for you!! Everyone is fed and safe and loved. You are doing your job. Don't expect too much else. It gets SO much better when they can tie their shoes and put on their own underpants,etc. Hang in there. I've been there and I know you can do it. They love you no matter what-- they are not judging you. You are doing great.
newrunner
Thank you. There are some days I feel I just can't take anymore so I shut myself in my room for a while. Is that being a bad mom? It often seems that someone is constantly needing something or wants you to do this or that and it really gets overbearing. I have 2 that are potty trained, though one has accidents often, but I haven't even thought about starting another one who is 2 and a half. I just won't send him to school in diapers. Do you still have difficult days?
Thank you. There are some days I feel I just can't take anymore so I shut myself in my room for a while. Is that being a bad mom? It often seems that someone is constantly needing something or wants you to do this or that and it really gets overbearing. I have 2 that are potty trained, though one has accidents often, but I haven't even thought about starting another one who is 2 and a half. I just won't send him to school in diapers. Do you still have difficult days?
Jami6-
NO. It is not being a bad mom. You are doing the safest thing that there is to do, when you are at the end of your rope. You are being a super mom!!
Do I still have difficult days? Well- yes, I do. But the difficulty is changing. When they were small like yours, the hard part was the enormity of the task of just caretaking for all of them. It was like being ON all the time, with no regard for any personal life that I might have had. Now, it is more like coaching and counseling. They are thru the physical caretaking stage and now are learning how to be people that have to relate to others and to attend to their own needs. Sometimes my husband and I joke that we need to tell them to Breathe in, Breathe out. Repeat. It seems insane, but we do need to teach them everything.
I don't know what your religious leanings are, but we used a program called Growing Kids God's
Way. It focuses on parent directed childrearing, instead of letting the inmates rule the asylum. It was/is SO HELPFUL. It gives you kind of rules to follow in establishing daily naps then quiet times, in how the kids communicate with you in a respectful way, in how you get them helping out to help them feel good about themselves and thus learning how to help the family and help themselves. I can tell you more if you are interested. It was suggested to us by a friend who tried raising her child by letting the kid run the schedule and this saved both of their lives. It gives order to your days and gives the marriage relationship the importance and time that it deserves. And in terms of anxiety, it takes the "now what is next" feeling of your day away because you too have a schedule and you are taking care of yourself too.
Take things at your own pace, esp. in terms of potty training, etc. There is NO right age or way and there is no big judge in the sky who is keeping track of how well you are doing in that regard. You have your hands super full with 4 little ones crammed into that small span and right now it's about survival and loving them and letting go of expectations. Yours AND other people's. If "they" aren't in your shoes, they don't get it. And won't. So don't worry about it.
Jami6- I'll pray for you. Write whenever you want. I'd love to help you out with whatever wisdom I've collected along the way.
Again- You are doing great. Anxiety be darned.
Terri
NO. It is not being a bad mom. You are doing the safest thing that there is to do, when you are at the end of your rope. You are being a super mom!!
Do I still have difficult days? Well- yes, I do. But the difficulty is changing. When they were small like yours, the hard part was the enormity of the task of just caretaking for all of them. It was like being ON all the time, with no regard for any personal life that I might have had. Now, it is more like coaching and counseling. They are thru the physical caretaking stage and now are learning how to be people that have to relate to others and to attend to their own needs. Sometimes my husband and I joke that we need to tell them to Breathe in, Breathe out. Repeat. It seems insane, but we do need to teach them everything.
I don't know what your religious leanings are, but we used a program called Growing Kids God's
Way. It focuses on parent directed childrearing, instead of letting the inmates rule the asylum. It was/is SO HELPFUL. It gives you kind of rules to follow in establishing daily naps then quiet times, in how the kids communicate with you in a respectful way, in how you get them helping out to help them feel good about themselves and thus learning how to help the family and help themselves. I can tell you more if you are interested. It was suggested to us by a friend who tried raising her child by letting the kid run the schedule and this saved both of their lives. It gives order to your days and gives the marriage relationship the importance and time that it deserves. And in terms of anxiety, it takes the "now what is next" feeling of your day away because you too have a schedule and you are taking care of yourself too.
Take things at your own pace, esp. in terms of potty training, etc. There is NO right age or way and there is no big judge in the sky who is keeping track of how well you are doing in that regard. You have your hands super full with 4 little ones crammed into that small span and right now it's about survival and loving them and letting go of expectations. Yours AND other people's. If "they" aren't in your shoes, they don't get it. And won't. So don't worry about it.
Jami6- I'll pray for you. Write whenever you want. I'd love to help you out with whatever wisdom I've collected along the way.
Again- You are doing great. Anxiety be darned.
Terri
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Stressed Momma
- Posts: 10
- Joined: Thu Dec 25, 2008 9:28 pm
I'm still trying 2 make it. I just started the program 2 weeks ago today. I have 2 boys 9 & 4. And I know what you mean about not having time to even relax. I'm a single mom at that trying to get a part-time job outside of the home on top of the part-time job I have working at home that I'm currently laid off from. Just take it day by day and take even 5-10 mins for yourself to relax even if it is while your going 2 the bathroom, cuz you may never get another.
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little ol' me
- Posts: 9
- Joined: Sun Dec 28, 2008 11:25 pm
jami 6, I think we've all been there...the days you feel like nothing productive happened except that the kids were fed. I've had days where the emotions are so bad that I forget to feed my kids until they all start whining around 4pm or so and then I go "wait...I didn't fix LUNCH!!!!" But the good news is that the older your kids get, the easier it is to manage. My oldest child was potty trained at 18 months and I thought I was so cool...until baby #2 came along and #1 regressed and had accidents all the time. I actually put her back in diapers. Kids #2 and #3 didn't get potty trained until they were almost 4. They trained in about two days with very few accidents. I sometimes feel like a failure when I hear about all the people who train really early, but I just did what I felt was best for myself and my kids. I didn't want to push them too hard. It's hard when the kids are so little and your conversations are limited to the age 4 and under level. Hang in there. We're all in this together!